Snakes and Chains: Dark Vapor - purpleplainandsimple (2024)

Chapter 1: Castle Siege

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"Attention all security guards currently employed here at the Technic Castle maximum security military base, there is an urgent matter that needs to be addressed, so please tune your walkie-talkies into Channel 2.54 Megahertz for the announcement; it would appear that a stealth agent dressed only in a magenta-violet sneaking suit has been spotted stealthing through the Technic Castle base and needs to be apprehended immediately!" The announcement boormed across all the Technic Castle as the guards ran about toting all sorts of weapons, such as machine guns, rocket launchers, and Nikita blasters; given that a powerful threat was among them, and was virtually undetectable because of her immense skill in stealth, there was barely anything they could do at all. Suddenly, one guard was alone, checking out a corner of the base. A purple shadow fell from the ceiling and latched to his neck, releasing a flurry of violet and highly effective CQC (close quarters combat) tactics. Crick! Craaaacckkkk! With a two-part CQC and a neck snapping maneuver the goon was as good as dead, his corpse falling to the ground; dusting off my hands, I turned and chuckled while looking at my work. Launching a grappling hook back towards the ventilation vents, it was not long before I vanished from sights; the guards came back, noticing their fallen comrade, and squealed. Too bad that couldn't see me just above them ready to infiltrate the Technic Castle even more.

Hi, my name is Chloe Flanagan and I've been doing stealth ops for the Colonel for almost a year now. Given that my skill in stealth operations was so impressive, the Colonel quickly upgraded me to the commander of his stealth troops; well, aside from one other person that likes to butt heads with me, but that's enough about him. The badge showing my rank hung next to my crucifix hanging from my next that I got from my youth pastor and both together are my most prized possessions; given that my favorite handgun was loaded and strapped to my thigh, it was safe to say my third favorite item was not far away. From through the vent, I could see an important looking gentleman stride up with a co*cky smile on his face; unveiling my pistol, I capped him, ending his life in a stealthy manner that barely even alerted any caution. That's another point for Team Me.

Suddenly, on Channel 140.58 Megahertz I was receiving a codec transmission. I answered it, and in my HUD the wrinkled yet friendly visage of the Colonel appeared, even though he was a bit rugged.

"Agent Purple Whelp, are you getting closer to the man in charge of this wicked establishment?" the Colonel said. "I highly recommend you advance through the main hallways, given that the other agent assigned to this place is..."

Sighing, I whisper a short prayer for strength under my breath and hope that the Colonel doesn't hear me. Honestly, I know the Colonel knew I was talented, but because of this, he has grown frustrated because I was a great spy while being devoted to the Lord; given that he was a frustrated, agnostic old man, he tried to test my faith. I won't conform to his oppression so easily.

"I can feel that God... I mean, I feel like my gut wants me to take the vents, given that they're the safer way to travel." I bit into my lip, praying that the Colonel believed my little fib, which was not a lie because it was for my own safety.

"You can't be serious, Chloe; next, you're going to say you need to stop at a chapel for a confession during the middle of the mission! Chloe, you need to drop into the main hallway at once, or else..."

Suddenly, the codec suddenly dropped as a bullet flew from outside, causing the vent to fall from the ceiling. Falling out of the vent and into the middle of a circle of enemies, I saw the other agent assigned to the mission. Given that he had just been caught, it would seem he totally failed at stealth and blew my cover in the process.

"Solid Snake," I said, growling.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Snake said as we both prepared for a fight against the guards around us.

Chapter 2: Treacherous Naivety

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Given that Solid Snake and I were fierce rivals underneath the Colonel's well intentioned yet somewhat tyranically agnostic order, we were not happy with each other, given that we had different ideas for how to do the Technic Castle raid. But, there's no time to argue about it now; one of the goons lunged forward, prepping a handgun within his hands. Using a CQC tactic, I pull out my own purple gun and fire a speedy slug into his face before he had a chance to fire his own. Praise be to the Lord, the henchman was dropped with a quick yelp. Snake looked at me and smirked, probably because he wanted to end the goon's godless existence; too bad, Snakey, as I got to him first. Though, now that I looked, Snake was looking pretty lean in his sneaking suit today, his curves accentuated by the rubbery material. Hmm.

Sneaking up behind Snake were four cronies, but as he pivoted around, he initiated an RPG launcher blast, aiming it towards his feet; the enemies gasped, surprised he would do such a risky manuever, but it was already too late. The launcher fired, it's ammunition sending it's self to their feet, and exploded into orange plumes of flickering flame. One by one, the slaves to the leader's castle are falling to our excellent attacks.

"Stop, you fools! You are weak!" a henchman shouted ravenously.

"Nice try." Leaping forward, I shoved my handgun against his head and fired, his brains bursting onto the floor. It was a shame his life had to be ended here, but he will be judged accordingly at the Pearly Gates when Saint Peter assesses all the heinous sins he committed in his lifetime. "But sadly for you, the Lord my God gives me all the strength I need."

Laughing, Snake and I kept firing and attacking, dropping bodies to the ground like it's a guerilla warfare fiesta. Suddenly, a pair of big boots slamming against the iron floors of the Technic Castle interrupt us, and Snake and I froze in our tracks; turning to the source of the noise, we feel a great gulp going down our throats, given that the new figure looked very intimidating and fierce. His white hair flowed wispily around and a great sword was drawn at his side. His black coat was buttoned with golden buttons, and it's stitching was exquisitely done and looked very fancy. I gasped, knowing this was not the leader from some of my information leaks, but rather the second-in-command, after he betrayed us.

"Adrian," I said to him, his fangs revealing themselves. "Adrian, what the f*ck!? We converted you away from the Satanic methods of your species, and here you are again, slaving under his rule at the Technic Castle!"

"Silence!" He slammed Crissaegrim against the ground, the unholy name of his devilish sword, multiplying his form threefold; given there are now three of him walking about, me and Snake can hardly tell who is who. "I have told you that my name is Alucard, the servant of my father Dracula, who rules the Technic Castle! Furthermore, Christianity is a farce, as I can be a good person without the guidance of a higher being!"

"Is that right?" Snake smirked, stealthily preparing a C4 and planting it on the ground.

I must admit, that sass from Snake made me more fond of him, because he has a point. Given that Alucard is slaving away under his father, like the f*cking sheep he is, he does not even realize the hypocrisy of his own statement; as I prepare another shutdown of his argument, Alucard's face twitched, as if knowing his own lunacy.

"If you can be good on your own, explain why the forces of the Technic Castle and your father tried invading Wallakia to take the Angel's Flame for their own horrible purposes, you damn liar..." Unveiling my handgun, I held it towards Alucard's face.

"How dare you say that!" Alucard said, getting offended over simple questions, as so many like him do. His clones all held Crissaegrim up and pointed them to me and Snake. "Now it is time for you to begone!"

Chapter 3: A Hairy Situation

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As the battle came to a fierce and dangerous beginning, Alucard turned into a cloud of bats and came swooshing right towards me as a mass of winged marsupials; given that the transformation was so surprising, I nearly jolted backwards in the most intense. However, I also remembered when Alucard would use this tactic back when he worked with us under the Colonel, before betraying us and going back to his father instead. This only made me madder, forcing me to draw my dagger, which was extra sharp and could puncture any flesh in a matter of nanoseconds. As Alucard's bats reformed into his regular vampire body, I flung my dagger up, blocking his strike with Crissaegrim, but much to my disappointment, the two clones of Alucard snuck up behind me and slashed at me. With a wince, my blood was spilt upon the floor.

"Now, Chloe, you see you must surrender." Alucard cackled, swishing the sword aside with supersonic speed, causing the blood to go flying. "Renounce your faith in Christ, and mayhap you can join my father and I in our conquest of this damn world."

"Nice try, Adrian." Placing my ear buds into my ears and scrolling through my phone's playlists, I selected "God's Not Dead" by the Newsboys, a hit single one may recognize from the feature film of the same name, "God's Not Dead". As the opening riffs started blaring into my ears, I prep my handgun and pointed it at him. "But not even death can stamp out my faith."

"We'll see about that!" Alucard sprinted at me, fangs bared, but it was a big mistake. Given that he had just walked right over Solid Snake's hidden C4, it seemed that Alucard was going to receive a rude awakening.

"Now!" Snake pressed the C4 button, denotating the C4, causing it to explode underneath Alucard's feet and blasting him into the air. Running forward, Snake proceeded to prepare a mortar blast and launched the bomb directly at the airborne Alucard. Another direct hit, and the perhaps redeemable but blinded-to-the-truth vampire son landed to the ground in a smoking heap. "You're welcome, Chloe, by the way," Snake smirked co*ckily, his face showing slyness.

"Show off." I prepared my handgun to end Alucard's life, but all of the sudden, his slim and lithe body began to transmogrify into that of a sleek and silver haired wolf; given that I had never seen this form be taken by the vampire who had once been our fellow man in fellowship, my eyes almost rolled out of my chest. In his wolf form, Alucard ran up to Solid Snake, jumped to his head, and tugged a single piece of stubble from his unkempt yet somehow slightly attractive beard. Snake and I both gasped.

"Well, well, well," Alucard taunted boastfully, turning himself back into his regular form. Holding the piece of stubble hair between his fingers, he laughed in our faces; this can't be good. "It seems you have been defeated."

"Um, far from it," I said, beginning to walk up to Alucard in an intimidating manner, my hips swinging. "The Technic Castle will still fall to our invasion, and your plans to steal the Angel's Flame from Wallakia are still going to end in complete and total failure. If you only you had remained with us instead of going back to your father like the whiny bitch you are."

"f*ck the Technic Castle!" Alucard screamed, cackling with delight, "it was merely a ploy to get the Legendary Mercenary himself to stride past our threshold; now that we have his genetic material, this dingy fortress is needed no longer!"

Snake and I looked at each other, really confused.

"What!?" we gasped together.

"Let's just say Le Infants Terribles is back on schedule..." Alucard, sneering, went to a nearby wall, where a portrait of Dracula hung from the wall, and flipped it aside. Revealed it a red button labelled SELF DESTRUCT, and much to our chagrin, Alucard pressed it, thus initiating the death throws of the Technic Castle to our surprise.

Only now am I realize we are the daughters of Lot fleeing from the hellfire of Sodom and Gamorrah.

Chapter 4: Savior on the Steeple

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Alucard, who had just initiated the self destruct sequence for the Technic Castle, did not get too much time to yuck it up before I was behind him, grappling his neck, with my advanced dagger pressed to his throat. Solid Snake was quick to reinforce my efforts, whipping out his Nikita rocket launcher and pointing his straight at the son of Dracula. Things were not looking good; given that the Technic Castle was about to explode, we had to find a way to cancel it.

"Alucard, tell us how to cancel the blast sequence!" I screamed, but before Alucard could give me an answer, he vanished into nothing more then bats and smoke, cackling with giddiness and gleefulness as his body of bats swept out the window. Turning around, I could see that the goons of the Technic Castle are packing their things and leaving. They may be able to run from this fire, but let's see them try to escape eternal hellfire once they have passed on and are condemned for their horrible work at the Technic Castle.

My codec started ringing. It was the Colonel.

"Agent Purple Whelp and Solid Snake, what is going on...!?"

And then the Technic Castle exploded into flames and smoke. The force was so much to handle, me and Solid Snake are thrusted out the nearby mechanical window, it's shards exploding into pieces and glass. Flailing through the air, my arms and legs are flailing about as the Colonel kept trying to shriek to us on the codec.

"Chloe and Snake, see if you can use your parachute packs at once; you may be able to survive! Listen to me if you want to live, because if you don't, you will..."

Reaching over, I hit the "hang up" button on my codec, hanging up the call. The reality of it all is that in a time like this, facing down my death, there was only one sort of "codec conversation" that could rescue me now. So, closing my eyes, I prayed to God that He would show us mercy as we started approaching the village of Wallakia, ready to become nothing more then bloody splats on the ground.

"Dear God, I am sorry for my sins; please, spare me this death, and I will devote myself to you..."

"Chloe! Are you crazy? Prayer can't save us now!" Snake summoned Cypher, trying his hardest to propel us in the air, but the machine failed easily from the atmosphere of the place, whizzing off into the distance. I was praying so hard for God to send one of his angels to save us from instant death. And sure enough, something happened, given that my faith was so strong and pure.

Plucking us from the sky was some sort of metallic appendage, it's links crackling and jangling about; it is like a chain, given that it was made of chain links like this, snatching us from the sky. Solid Snake and I gasped as the cold yet comforting chain wrapped around us, and we were safely caught, our rescuer and angel standing atop the village church steeple. Hanging by the church wall, the one holding the change jumped off, and we all fell to the ground, as safe as can be. Looking to the distance, we watched as the Technic Castle fully exploded into flames. It was like something from the Book of Revolutions.

The Colonel sent a furious codec text message, asking why we would be stupid enough to pray for help; funny, given that it's the one thing that saved us in our time of need. Looking towards our angel, I gasped, recognizing him. It was the golden boy of the small town, the precious, good little Christian boy, Simon. He must have been around the same age Snake and I, which I will keep vague for the purposes of readibility.

"This goody two shoes," Snake murmured, something which made me scowl.

"Chloe Flanagan!" Simon Belmont bumbled up, scanning me with his shimmering sapphire orbs, "how nice it is to see you this Sunday morning, just in time for church!"

Chapter 5: Sunday Service

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"Holy are you, for you sent your one and only son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for us; through him, our sins have been atoned, and we are saved from the flickering flames of Hell. Amen!" Everyone repeated that final word, "amen", echoing the ending syllables of the white-robed man's prayer to the man upstairs. Given his outfit, one would assume that he was the preacher, and they would be correct. Laughing heartily and stretching his arms out to his sides, Pastor John smiled to the congregation, his smile like a line of pearly whites. "Please open your hymnals to Page 142 so we may sing To God Be the Glory, and stand as you are able."

One by one, we rose to our feet. I was very eager to sing along, and so was Simon Belmont, quickly ascending to my side and looking at me from the corners of his eyes. Solid Snake, though he was begrudging about the whole ordeal, noticed the favor I showed to Simon Belmont, and also quickly got up to his feet. The hymn was beautiful, as they all are. However, given they were so loudly competing, I could not help but notice Simon and Snake's voices were clashing with each other. It was like they were trying to have the best singing voices possible, as to appease a fair Christian maiden such as myself; I could not help but blush. Which of these handsome young men could I possibly bring myself to choose? Simon was a devout follower of Christ, which I commended, as well as a being quite the looker. Having grown up living in the house next door to him, I have caught glimpses of him and his perfectly sculpted body from time to time. But I could tell that past Snake's cold exterior, he was a doubting Thomas who wanted to believe in the Scripture as well. Thinking of the time I walked in on him changing into his sneaking suit, I blushed, but recognized I would have to save myself for marriage. Given that I saw a little too much, it is lucky for Snake that circumcision is not a requirement under the new Covenant.

The hymn came to an end, Simon and Snake still giving each other competition-esque stares of rivalry.

"Now it is time for confessions." Pastor John lowered his light staff towards the front of the sanctuary, revealing a gigantic flickering purple flame; given that it's so supernatural, it was none other than the Angel's Flame, the treasure of Wallakia that everyone adored. "Those who have sinned may bring offerings to burn for repentance. God will accept your tithes and absolve you of your sins, surely, and as humans we are all guilty as charged."

Around the sanctuary, I noticed others murmuring, including the village lesbians, Mary-Hannah and Juanita. Though we have allowed them into our halls, hoping to redeem them, it seemed they still clung to their sinful lifestyles. I can only hope they one day realize their mistakes and save themselves from the threat of hellfire. But, alas, I was also someone who once lived a horrible and disgusting lifestyle as well. Walking to the front of the church, much to the Father's delight, I kneeled for Pastor John before providing my offerings. Several old Ozzy Osbourne albums, my Minecraft tee shirt, and literature prepared by Richard Dawkings were produced in my hands. The Father smiled forgivingly, tapping my shoulder with the light staff.

"Amen to God," I said, then hucked the offending goods into the Angel's Flame. The sinful merchandise was quickly consumed by the holy fire, and to the awe of the church, it was like my sinful nature was being washed away by the smoke. The Prince of Darkness, along with the rest of my past self's distractions, were soon nothing more than ash.

Continuing to kneel, I prayed more for safety. The horses outside whinnied, and tears ran down my face.

Chapter 6: Brewing Vapor

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Meanwhile, in the lair of Castlevania, which was also known as Dracula's Castle to the quivering and terrified folk who dared to reside in Wallaka, the lord of the castle, Dracula, sat upon his plush and ornate chair. Sipping from his glass flask of wine, it appeared that his beverage was alcoholic in nature; given his vampiric roots, it seemed that Dracula was not even the slightest bit tipsy. Suddenly, whooshing in from the nearby window was a pack of bats. Dracula scowled, hucking his flask aside, causing it to shatter into a million pieces of the most detestable sharpness.

"My father..." Suddenly, reforming from the bats is the son of Dracula, Alucard, the stolen piece of Solid Snake's stubble clasped between his pale and boney fingers. Dracula's eyes bulge in delight, flitting over to the nearby mechanism, which has LES INFANTS TERRIBLES engraved upon the side of it.

"What is a hair?" Dracula cackled. "A miserable little pile of DNA! Of which we can resume our horrible schemes; with the genetic power of the Legendary Mercenary on our side, the capabilities necessary to obtain the Angel's Flame from the church of Wallakia is now well within our grasp! Especially since both the bishop and the deacon are no longer with the church!"

Dracula clapped his lithe son on the back, and they enjoyed a rousing bout of raucous laughter; given that they are villains, you can probably imagine that their disturbing guffaws echoed across the mountains and into the village of Wallakia itself. Coming up next, Alucard meandered up to the cloning machine, his gait like that of a graceful wolf, but a person instead. Placing a single stubble piece into the chamber, the chamber was slammed shut. Whirring began, and Dracula and Alucard placed their faces against the chamber's screens, like mere children watching their f*cking Bagel Bites getting heated up.

"By the way, Father..." Alucard produced a vial of blood from his coat, "are you hungry for a bite?"

Laughing menacingly, "Oh, I've had my fill; we'll save that for something else!" Dracula was suddenly cut short as the machine dinged, and it's chamber door popping open, a hiss of steam escaping into the main chambers of the castle. Dracula and Alucard, the vicious vampire duo, are cast into a sudden silence as the figure walked out of chamber, vapor on all his sides. He had the face of Solid Snake, being practically identical, though his face was different, too. His hair was ginger, tied up into ponytail, and freckles freckled him all over. Wearing a pair of glasses, a polo and khakis. It appeared to be casual wear, given that Solid Snake was casually speaking to me when his DNA was stolen.

"What... Who am I?" Vapor Snake said.

"We need to make a name for him, my son!" Dracula laughed evilly.

Noticing all the vapor coming from the machine, Alucard had a clever name idea and fealt very proud of it. "Your name is Vapor Snake, and you are the secret weapon needed to steal the Angel's Flame and bring an end to Christianity and it's damn rule over this forsaken continent. Do you understand your mission, human filth?"

Vapor Snake took a knee, like a sheep-minded mortal stooping to human master, rather than the Lord God in Heaven.

"Do not worry, my fathers; I will not fail you..."

Dracula, Alucard, and Vapor Snake all laughed together, not noticing the shadow standing in the corner of the room, who was also laughing, but not quite as evilly, though a tinge of malovolence still tainted his words. However, maybe he can be redeemed.

"So be it," the mysterious figure stated, "let us put Chloe's faith to the test..."

Chapter 7: Danger in the Sanctuary

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"It sure is fun hanging out and talking about our girl stuff together, isn't it, Chloe?"

I was sitting in the comfy couch in Pastor John's office. talking to the other person in the room. Given that it's Pastor John's office, one might think I was talking to him, the man who was also known as the Father. However, I was not talking to him, but a girl in a frilly pink dress instead. Her makeup was done pretty well, her eyelashes perfect, and her hair flowed long past her shoulders. She has been such a good friend to me since I have joined the church, that I have secretly modeled my look after her.

"Of course, Mira, thank you for being my friend," I say, knowing that Solid Snake and Simon Belmont were probably walking around the town, chatting in a mostly friendly but still somewhat hostile way. "Mira, can I ask you something?"

"What's that?" Mira asked questioningly.

"It's about boys." Adjusting the handgun on my side, I made sure my spy wear was hidden from Mira, underneath my lavender dress instead. "There are two of them that I love very much, but I wonder if I..."

"Oh, you're talking about that Simon Belmont, aren't you?" Mira sighed, her eyes swirling dreamily, as if considering taking the vampire hunter for herself; I couldn't help but cringe even just a little bit. "He seems to a be nice boy, a servant for the lord and a virgin waiting for wedlock with the perfect woman to experience love..."

Thinking of Solid Snake, I said "Is it a sin to date a boy who does not believe in God?"

"Of course, Chloe, such a thing could land you in hell if you are not careful..."

Suddenly, an explosion rang out outside the office, nearly deafening both Mira and I in our tracks. Moment later, streams of vapor started streaming down the hallway, wafting into the office like horrible tendrils of doom; given that I breathed in a good amount of them, I could almost make out a faint scent. It smelled like strawberries or some other artificial sh*t that made me want to gag.

"Let's go, Mira!" Mira and I stormed out of the Father's office and began making our way to the sanctuary, following the disgusting strands of gaseous matter, until we had found ourselves in the sanctuary. Standing in front of everything was not Pastor John, nor was it Jesus or any other member of the church, but someone wearing a polo and khakis. A ponytail hanging from his head made it clear this person had no care in trying to appear manly at all. They turned, not with a cigarette in their mouth, but a vape stick; puffing, another blast of steam came. The redhead fellow smirked, looking at the Angel's Flame afront the altar, smirking.

"Religion... give me a break!" Vapor Snake pulled out a Holy Bible, and much to my horror, he began tearing the sacred book into papery bits. One by one, each beloved page of Scripture was nothing more than flakes on the ground. I was appalled so much, I was frozen in my tracks, but Mira was even more furious, storming to Vapor Snake like a cattle to slaughter.

"Leave the Holy Book alone!" Mira screamed, preparing her twin daggers from her sides.

"Interesting you cave dwellers adhere to this false philosophy so desperately, is it not?" Vapor Snake took another puff of his vape before pulling out his own high frequency cutting boomerangs, tossing them in Mira's direction. "Why you mistakened followers of desert people's beliefs is beyond me when you could conform to the rest of society and live in happiness."

I wailed in protest as Mira's achilles tendons were slashed by the boomerangs, and with her shrieks, she tumbled to the ground like a useless sack of meat. Roaring with hilarious laughter, Vapor Snake snatched her up before taking the Angel's Flame as well. With a glass jar, he swooped the holy fire into it, leaving the sanctuary as dark as night.

"Help me, Chloe!" Mira screamed.

"Oh, please!" Vapor Snake says, "whatever can she do about it!"

To my surprise, I hear the church doors slam open; help is here, but who?

Chapter 8: Godless Gamble

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Vapor Snake continued to laugh, not realizing reinforcements have stormed into the door. With the crack of a whip, an exquisite chain flew forth, wrapping it's spiked ball around the glassy object in Vapor Snake's hands; a moment later, the whip was pried backwards, the object flying into Simon Belmont's hands. He looked down, hoping that he had retrieved the glass bottle with the Angel's Flame in it. Given that the vape stick was in Simon's hands instead, he flung it to the ground with a frustrated groan, crushing the vape under his foot. Strawberry steam burst all around us. I patted Simon on the back, grateful for his help.

"Most interesting!" Pulling out another vape stick, Vapor Snake released a tuft of fruity air as Mira writhed under one of his arms, the bottle containing the Angel's Flame in the other. "But given that your minds are too weak to embraced the genuine atheistic worldview, I highly doubt your prowesses in the physical department could defeat me, either!"

"No! Stop him!" Mira shouted helplessly.

Suddenly, Solid Snake dropped from the ceiling, his sneaking suit adhering to all his curves with elastic finesse. Hopping to my side, we grunted at each other, then unveiled our handguns at the same time. Pow! Pow! Pow! Bullets through across the sanctuary as we tried to pump Vapor Snake full of lead, but he leapt from each side of the room, dodging it all. Flinging a high frequency cutter boomerang, he struck one of the bullets, causing it to ricochet into the church's stained glass window. I gasped in horror as the visage of the Savior was shattered into a million pieces, raining to the ground in multicolored shards.

"Damn..." Even Solid Snake was horrified, even if not fully convinced of God's might, tears running to his stubble.

"What the f*ck, Vapor!? You broke the window!" I screamed loudly at full volume. "Enough of this; you are desecrating the church!"

"Christianity's demise has only begun this fair day!" Clicking his tongue, a dark horse suddenly entered the building, whinnying and braying like all of it's disgusting f*cking species do. I immediately whipped up my automatic handgun and tried capping the damn animal right then and there. Damn, no dice; given that it's wearing armor, my bullet did nothing. Vapor Snake, hitting another jewel on his vape, hopped onto his horrible steed. "Now let us see how your people fare against persecution; like the good old days after 1 AD!"

"Help me, Chloe!" Mira said, as she was dragged upon the horse.

Storming away on his horse, me and Simon and Snake all sat in disappointment, until clomping up behind us was another figure. A wrinkled hand slapped down on my shoulder, and I whipped around, gasping in surprise. I recognized his face, though it was usually digitized, and his anger was even more real in person.

"Colonel!" Snake said, "I thought you did not want to come to church any more?"

"Chloe, look what you've done this time!" The Colonel was practically seething, with saliva coming out from his teeth, flying at my face as he spoke. I knew this was a godless man who could not tell right from wrong, as he had no divine moral compass, but even now he should've known better than this. "Because of your insistence of refusing to conform to secular society, the enemies have earned yet another victory! Don't you want to give up religion, since it's constantly your downfall!?"

Simon stood between me and the Colonel, protecting me from his ungodly gaze; however, my willpower through God now doubled in strength, I walked out with my arms crossed.

"You doubt God, but he gives us strength," I shoved a finger into the Colonel's chest, "now listen up! If we can stop Vapor Snake through the blessings of the Lord, you have to promise to become a Christian like us!"

"Is that right?" He smiled slyly, "and if you lose, then you must become atheist!"

Gulping, the stakes were high, but I knew God would pull through for me.

"It's a deal!"

Suddenly, screaming came from outside, followed by the sound of an explosion.

Chapter 9: Persecution of Wallakia

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Meanwhile, eating in the popular restaurant, Slab of Chicken, were several villagers of Wallakia, all enjoy their finely prepared food, all with a flair of religious wholesomeness that really fills their stomachs. Fresh chicken breasts and scalloped potatoes, all cooked in the name of the Lord, lined the dinner tables as devout faithfuls enjoyed their meals. Crosses hung from the walls. Bible verses were printed on the napkins. It was a good establishment. Instrumental versions of popular Christian songs hung played, particularly those from famed Christian singer Toby Mac.

Suddenly, vampire soliders marched into the restaurant, preparing their unholy blades of darkness. As the shrieking began, the ceiling was pried from the Slab of Chicken's ceiling, revealing a most horrifying and ruthless mechanism standing above them outside. The machine was taller than the building, it's many gun barrels pointed inside. The intercom blared ruthlessly.

"Do you believe in God!?" it said.

All whimpering, the people nodded, not willing to surrender their trust in the Lord even in their moment of fate.

"Then suffer the wrath of Metal Gear JUDAS!" All of the sudden, Metal Gear JUDAS fired it's silver bullets into the crowd as the vampires also got to work, slashing throats and slitting necks like it's a mass execution. The diners falling over, not even the women and children are spared as all those who said to be Christian were slayed. Given that they died martyrs, they will be treated well in the afterlife, but it's terrible they died this way.

Outside the Slab of Chicken, the chaos continued. Metal Gear JUDAS launched missiles throughout Wallakia, all while vampires began chomping into the necks of practitioners of the teachings of Jesus, their lives ended in mere instants. Marching out of the church came me, Solid Snake, and Simon Belmont. Given the carnage was so brutal, we gasped, unable to contain our horror. Though, to be honest, we should not have been too surprised. The world is always ready to presecute the Christians no matter where we go or what we do; after all, look at modern day America, who oppresses our kind for not supporting the liberal agenda. It is just a shame this plague has now befell Wallakia in addition to that.

"Look!" I screamed, pointing. A new collesium has been built in the distance, and I can see the vampire troops of Dracula dragging innocents to the collesium, presumably so they can all battle to the death. We chase after them, only to be intercepted by a bird creature with a spear and a bat looking creature; they're names being Slogra and Gaibon.

"Die, Christians!" the bird creature, Gaibon, said to us.

"Death to those who believe in God!" Slogra repeated after him, it's bat wings flapping.

Snake and Simon are ready to put their combat capabilities to the best, given that they want to impress me, but I stepped in front first, stopping them in their tracks. Looking at Gaibon and Slogra, I sighed sadly.

"I know you two have done horrible things, but God can forgive you, if you truly repent..." I dropped to my knees, closing my eyes and began praying for them. "Come, will you pray with me, so your souls can be forgiven..."

Slogra and Gaibon began weeping, for they knew their souls were lost, because Dracula took them in when they were mere children, capable of being misguided. As they prayed for forgiveness, suddenly swooping up to my feet, I unveiled my purple handgun and executed them in the streets geurilla-style. Given that they have committed the unforgivable sin of murder, their souls were destined for hell a long time ago.

Smiling ear to ear, I got up, waving Snake and Simon along as vampires continued to run in the streets. But as we charged towards the collesium, we could hear the wails of the faithful coming from there. It was so horrible that they were being slaughtered, because they were losing their faith. It was like Jesus wailing on the cross:

"My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"

Chapter 10: The Horsem*n's Introduction

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Storming into the collesium, Snake, Simon and I are suddenly brought to a sudden halt, horrified by the atrocities unfolding within the walls of the cursed arena. Gathered around the seats are the servants of Dracula, all cheering their antitheist death cries, and among them too are the honorary guests of Wallakia who have rejected Jesus in favor of their own unsustainable lives. In the middle of the arena, God's chosen people clashed with swords and daggers, forced into battle by the collesium master. He sat in his throne, cackling to himself, green robes draped over his head. Emblazoned on his hood was an upside down cross, the symbol of those who despise Jesus with all their heart.

"Very well," Dark Priest Shaft shrieked to the arena, "then let us see if these faithfuls can withstand the horrid assault of the Four Horsem*n. Given that they're attacks are so hostile, I doubt they can outlast them all!"

"Snake, Simon! We have to help them!" I looked into their glowing eyes, knowing I would fall for one of these boys, but yet I knew not who I would yet fall for. "Let's go!"

Snake did a rolling maneuver into the arena. Simon was next with a front flip roll. Finally, I landed in next, unweilding my extra sharp dagger, much to the displeasure of the Dark Priest Shaft. He scoffed, and the rest of the arena followed suit, booing our sudden entrance. Though, as Shaft realized he could strike us down in our paths, a twisted grin sprouted on his face.

"Very well," Dark Priest Shaft shouted, "more of the so called People of Jesus to die!"

The introductory wave for the Four Horsem*n's approach came, being nothing more than a hundred horses or more, all equipped with the most putrid of weaponry. Scowling as the whinnying sh*t-beasts came closer, I was horrified as they began goring the people in the collesium in their tracks. Their hoofs going over the bodies of the people, their bones are crunched and mutiliated. The horses were disgusting animals, maiming anyone in their path without a drop of human sympathy in their tiny brains. It was almost enough to make me cry, but regaining my strength, I stabbed a horse in the heart, killing it instantly.

Snake and Simon are next, and their attacks were very effective against the filth. Vampire Killer blasted through the chest of a pony, causing it's organs to spill out of it's side. Unveiling grenades, Snake dropped them in his path, causing the foul foals to blast into nothing more then juicy giblets on the ground, causing the crowd to boo more. Meanwhile, other good Christians beat down the animals, ending the wave of horror in it's path.

"Most interesting..." Dark Priest Shaft taunted from his chair, giving a thumbs down, "but now the Horsem*n are here!"

Suddenly, stomping into the arena are four people; a woman with red-died hair; a man with long white hair and a thing looking like a half-fedora; a big thick Alabaman man who is bald; and a politician with glasses and a cigar in his hand. Suddenly, I realized their names were Mistral, Monsoon, Sundowner, and Senator Armstrong, the villain faction from Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. Given they are now in the collesium, it would appear they are the Four Horsem*n we have to beat.

"God didn't save me, so now, he won't save you!" Mistral was first, her army of Dwarf Geckos following her; they were like robot orbs carried by synthetic arms, a most interesting but disgusting combination. She tried hitting us with her polearm, but I countered with my own dagger, causing her to stoop back in shock. Next, Snake hacked into the Dwarf Geckos, causing them to swarm onto Mistral like pests; finally, with a Holy Fire from Simon, they all exploded, leaving Mistral as nothing more then a dead corpse.

The fires from the Holy Fire twisting onto my dress, the lavender garment burnt off until I was wearing nothing but my sleek spy suit. The audience in the collesium gasped, but I think Simon and Snake were more awestruck.

"This is ridiculous," Dark Priest Shaft screamed, begging his Lord Satan for luck, "now comes the next one!"

Smiling widely, Monsoon started his approach.

Chapter 11: Collesium Carnage

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"Ladies and gentleman, give it up for Monsoon!" Dark Priest Shaft clapped, and the crowd applauded like the conformist livestock they were.

Moonson came up to us, a big cheesy green sprouting across his face, taunting us with his horribly corny expression. Given that he was enraged, Simon lashed forward with his whip; however, Monsoon snatched it with his magnetic powers, bending the chain into a demonic shape, that being that of a horrible pentagram of Satan. Horrified, Simon whished the whip back and drew a cross over his chest.

"Greetings, religious scum," Monsoon said, "how does it feel to know I can do what I please in this life? Given I live an intellectual life style, I can imagine you are quite envious of my way of life indeed..."

"But Monsoon," I began to articulately explain, "if I die and you're right, I lose nothing, but if you die and I'm right, then you lose everything; is this honestly the way you want to live, risking an eternity in hellfire?"

In Monsoon's minds, I could tell his brain cells were processing this hard line of logic, but it did not last long before Sundowner came tromping up, decking Simon across the face with a beefy fist. The vampires and atheists around the collesium cheered in an ungodly manner as Sundowner used his crushing weapon to hold Simon's head in place. Smiling at me, I could tell this was a man who was sinful beyond belief.

"Get ready to go to God," Sundowner jeered at Simon.

"You don't believe in God you fraud!" I screamed, knowing what I said was true.

"Of course I do; I'm Methodist," Sundown gave me a delicious sneer. Of course this mother f*cker is Methodist which is barely any better than just being a straight up atheist at all, those Methodists barely even obey the Scripture, much less attempt to even f*cking read it. Suddenly, stopping Sundown was Solid Snake, leaping into the air and dropping his leg down on Sundowner's head. He groaned in protest, whipping out his shields, but I was faster. Sliding forward, I got out my purple handgun and blasted his skull. Soon, the so-called Christian was dead on the ground, bleeding profusely.

"What!?" Dark Priest Shaft moaned whinily, "someone stop them at once!"

Suddenly, I felt a sword at my throat, and turning around, I saw a man with glasses holding the weapon to my throat. His ego clearly as big as his height, Senator Armstrong began cackling maniacally, ready to end my life right then and there. Though, I must admit, his voice was a little more high pitched then I was expecting. Simon and Snake charged up to stop him, only to get knocked flat onto their asses; damn.

"Chloe, we're not so different you and I!" Senator Armstrong took his sword away and offered a handshake instead, "the truth is that I'm helping this war against Christianity to end the war against Christianity! We need to tear religion up by the roots and start over; given that there are so many posers in religion, it is barely even helping!"

"Maybe so," I said, the other Christians in the arena gathering, "but given that so many people seem satisfied living this way, it would seem that this so called revolution you're calling for is good for nothing after all."

And then everyone jumped onto Senator Armstrong as the atheist crowd booed, Dark Priest Shaft's eyes practically about to pop like pathetic water balloons, as the miserable politician was ripped piece to piece. The scraps of skin and blood that flew was grisly; it was like Samson destroying the Philistine temple, except we get to survive instead. But it was still not enough to overpower the strong senator, his fighting back almost too powerful.

"Wait! I choose to fight for my eternity!" Monsoon came storming up, proving himself truly intellectual, as he stabbed Senator Armstrong through his back as the others continued to attack him down. Roaring, Armstrong stabbed Monsoon as well, a life for a life; as Monsoon died, I gave him a prayer for forgiveness, as he will be awarded for making the right choose before the end.

As me and my fellow Christians get off Senator Armstrong, we found his face ripped off fully, but his face is different. A scar was on his face, and he looked Mexican. Damn, it looked like it was only Jetstream Sam pretending to be Senator Armstrong the whole time. Given that this one was a fake, I wondered what the real deal was up to. Oh well.

"Anyone else?" I said, turning towards Dark Priest Shaft. Seeing our determined resolve, the evil wizard got off his bottom and ran into the distance, screaming like a total wimp, all his sheep following after him in the process.

Chapter 12: Heavenly Offering

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The bodies of the felled Horsem*n beneath my feet, I was suddenly surprised by an unexpected embrace from the Legendary Mercenary himself, Solid Snake. Given that my face was within his chest, his hardened abs not far from me, I couldn't help but turn an extreme shade of red. All the while, Simon Belmont also learned forward, planting a single kiss upon my cheek, giving Snake a pair of incredulous eyes. Looks like tension is building, and I mean that in more then one way.

As the collesium emptied out, a cage suddenly descended down from the sky, lowering it's self by the means of a level. Given that it's contents are someone I knew very well, I jumped for joy. Pastor John, who came to me in my darkest moment and told me the truth of my eternity, was a captive of the collesium no longer. The cage door popping open, the Father gave a relieved sigh, patting his pants, it's dust flying everywhere like clouds that could choke the lungs.

"Heavens me!" Pastor John exclaimed, his light staff dangling from betwixt his fingers, "I have not been so on the edge since the deacon and the bishop left the church of Wallakia!"

Bowing down, me, Simon, and Snake all paid our respects to the Father; in this case, God, not Pastor John. All the other Christians of the arena also prayed for repentance for the horrible acts the vampiric forces forced them to commit. A nearby basin nearby, I remove the poor pastor's sandals and washed the dust off his feet; given that he was human too, he also needed forgiveness.

Everyone enjoying the fellowship, everything was rudely interrupted by a brash codec phone call, coming in on my selected codec channel. Reluctantly answering the call, the pixelated face of the Colonel popped up like a hologram. Snake, Simon, and everyone faintly scowled.

"Very well done Chloe, your God helped you stop the collesium forces... or did he?" The Colonel chuckled to himself, clasping his hands together, "perhaps it was only luck that preserves you through that terrible gauntlet; who knows what comes ahead for you? And if you lose, then your faith will be renounced!"

Wondering why Colonel sounded like a villain, I gloated back, "Once this is all over, we'll be seeing you in church!"

"Is that right?" He wiped a tear from his eye, "Now, it seems Dark Priest Shaft and the other forces have fled to the aquatic base on the ocean, Big Shell, so get your life jackets on!"

Knowing the only safe guards I need is the Lord, I hanged up the call, disconnecting the snide face of Roy Campell from my sight, leaving only the Father in front of me.

"Chloe, you must destroy all those horrible people, and reclaim the Angel's Flame, as it was stolen from me!" Pastor John yelped.

"Right, and save your daughter Mira!" I wondered how my friend was doing, but helpful pats on the back from two hot boys helped cheer me up. I also wondered if I would lose the Colonel's wager and be forced to be atheist again.

"I have something that can help you," the Father said, bowing to me and raising up the light staff he treasured so much, a tool embued with the Lord's divine light. "This device was gifted to me from the angel's, given that I was an imperfect mortal. Now I realize it is my time to pass it on to someone who surpasses even my piety..."

Passing the light staff to me, I felt it, knowing it was in the right hands for the first time. I felt it's godly power going through me, making me feel like God himself, and I knew it was good.

"You can count on me!" I high-fived Snake and Simon, who gave the Father thumbs up. "Now, let's head to the Big Shell and stop these bad guys..."

Snake and Simon nodded, even though being fierce rivals for my love, somehow agreed to say the next thing together...

".. God be willing!"

Chapter 13: Boarding the Big Shell

Chapter Text

Sitting in their helicopter and clinking glasses of wine together, Dracula and Alucard howled in laughter, watching the chaos of the collesium unfold from within the air. However, much to their disappointment, I ensured it did not last much longer; cursing the name of God, they watched as the Dark Priest Shaft fled to the coastline, his followers entoe.

"Ugh, what rubbish, Daddy!" Alucard snarled, hucking his wine flask into the helicopter's propeller, causing it to explode into several atrocious glass shards. The clear fragments rained upon the aircraft's cargo, the Les Infants Terribles machine, carried by rope underneath the helicopter as a carrion. "I can't believe those damn Christians won! Curse them; I should of killed them all from the inside while I was still in their organization!"

Dracula only grinned, admiring his son's words, and also the way he threw his flask. "That's my boy!" Dracula cranked down the joysticks, landing the helicopter towards the Dark Priest Shaft, all his followers nearby. They begged for mercy, knowing they were f*cking failures that could not stomp out the light of the Lord.

"Please spare me," Dark Priest Shaft said, "I tried my best to eliminate them!"

"Never fear," Alucard said as he stuck his thumb towards the coastline, where the boat known as the Big Shell was coming closer to pick up it's unholy passengers, "we will all soon be refugees, is that not right, my father Dracula?"

Suddenly, Dracula snagged Crissaegrim from Alucard, giving Dark Priest Shaft the most detestable stare, before taking the point of the sharp blade and plunging it into the unholy Shaft's chest. Given that the injury was most greivous, the horrible magician fell dead right then and there, his cloak floating away in the wind. All the atheists gasped at the carnage, except for Alucard, who began cackling with delight, knowing his favorite sword was used to kill another putrid human.

"Death to those who fail to reach my standards!" Dracula said, his modus operandi like the opposite of Jesus, who will take in anyone of any sin so long as they promise to repent. As the Big Shell coasted closer to the coastline, Vapor Snake appeared, meandering up the coastline, puffing upon his jewel. In his arms were the Angel's Flame, Pastor John's most treasured possession I had to get back, and Mira.

"Don't worry, Dracula, I bring you no disappointments!" Vapor Snake hacked on his strawberry scented sludge, pink phlem flying to the ground in stiff spurts. Suddenly, Big Shell landed, and it's platform dropped down, allowing all the horrible vampiric masses and atheists to storm upon it's decks. Striding off the deck was a man with a Buddhist looking dot on his head, a weird goatee, and what appeared to be fangs. A bunch of knives hung from his waist, given that he was a knives expert.

"What have you brought me, Sssssssir Dracula?" the knife man said.

"Vamp!" Dracula thrusted Mira out of Vapor Snake's arms and put her into the trust of Vamp, "surely you can find good use for this human girl, though last I checked, you were interested in the carnal union of other men, given that we can stick it to God with such sinful tactics!"

"Oh, no worriessssssss, Ssssssir Dracula, I got my name becaussssssee I am bisexual!" Vamp taking Mira into his arms, he stormed into Big Shell, Mira screaming and begging for my help as she got tugged along. Vapor Snake cackled, and soon enough, Alucard and Dracula were cackling too, laughing like the evil f*cking people they were. Soon, however, they'll get what they deserve.

"Wish to crack open that vial now, Daddy?" Alucard whipped out the tube of blood again, smacking his lips in anticipation, a most horrible sense of looking forward to the treat that would follow.

"Hmmmmmm..." Dracula's eyes shot up to the helicopter, and he directed it over to the Big Shell's front deck. The helicopter came landing down, the machine carried under it dropping to the deck. Snatching the blood from Alucard's hands, Dracula's eyes almost exploded like nuclear bombs as he sniffed the blood. "Oh, I am sure this will result in my stomach churning with spicy delight..."

"Masters!" Vapor Snake taking one last puff on his vape, the strawberry fluids starting to taint his lungs even more, "what to be done with the Angel's Flame at this very moment?"

Dracula and Alucard exchanged glances before sneering, their triangle teeth sparkling like cartoon knives.

"Take it to the real Senator Armstrong," they screamed boastfully together, their voices in simulatenous unity, "he will know what to do!"

Chapter 14: Forgotten Acquaintances

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The Big Shell exploded across the ocean, belching fat tufts of strawberry scented vapors, as it began bursting across the sea at the highest speeds known across all watercraft. Or so they thought, not noticing the nuclear submarine coasting alongside the boat, it's pilot grinning from ear to ear. His co*ckpit was slathered with manga and anime posters, the scribblings of katakana littering his area like chicken scratch. Sitting next to him are me, Snake, and Simon, our fingers twitching with excitement to start the next portion of our raid; given it has been a bit since we last stealthed, we are nervous.

"Thanks, Otacon, for taking us to Big Shell in your vessel, the Sabumarin." I smiled, admiring the cultural appreciation around his area, given that most of it was from Japanese culture. Snake smiled, happy to be with his old friend, Hal Emmerich, once more. Though Simon did not know much about Otacon, he appreciated him nonetheless.

"Of course, Chloe, for as the Colonel is treating you harshly, it only seemed fair I help a fellow follower out." Otacon smiled at me, and I forced one back, even though Otacon was a Presbyterian. Suddenly, alarms began blaring to the tune of Amazing Grace, signifying it was time to leave. We all joined hands and gave a quick prayer for safety, and then, we were rocketed out of the Sabumarin.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see it; a missile of darkness was being fired from Big Shell upon the Sabumarin as Otacon began steering the vessel around. Howling for him to listen, but it was too late. The explosion happened, and the Sabumarin began sinking to the bottom of ocean, leaving Hal as nothing more then a watery corpse.

Landing on the main deck, both Snake and I wept together, having loved Otacon. Simon only appreciated Otacon, because he did not know much about him, but he cheered us both up, despite being Snake's rival. Thanks, Simon; this steered my affections more in the direction of Simon, though maybe Snake can beat him out soon.

A codec text message came from the Colonel, asking how Otacon died if God is real. I ignored the notification yet kept crying.

"Anyway, we have to storm this place and find the Angel's Flame!" Snake snarled, ready to avenge his best bud's death.

"Verily, and only then will Christkind be safe." Simon polished the spikey ball of his whip and it's tip, a weapon ready to destroy all in it's path, so long as God willed it for him and instructed him to do so.

"Thanks, boys," I said, my heart feeling warm, "now let's storm across the cargo hold!"

We strafed and rolled around boxes, making sure no enemies saw us. A henchman whipped around, their gun at the ready, only fro me to disappear into a cardboard box. What can I say, I learned from the best. Given that the best was also here, Snake rolled around in an oil drum, practically undetectable. Simon used his crouch walk, bypassing the fields of vision of several sentries with ease. How pathetic were they, being like that? Could anyone even see me, given our stealth was...

"Chloe! Over here!" I heard voices say.

Cringing, I looked over my shoulder, only to see a couple of maidens in rainbow colored dresses, attempting a stealth assauge of their own. Given I recognized them from the village, I could tell their names were Mary-Hannah and Juanita, the lithe lesbians who constantly reminded us of their own sexuality from Wallakia. I used to dwell among them when I was a paltry atheist. Awakened by Christ, though, I am not sure if I want to be a bird of the same feather.

"Quiet!" I screamed to them, "Your noise is going to ruin our mission!"

But of course, thanks to their disturbances, a tubby man in a green suit came rolling up, grenades held in his hands. He whipped out his gun, firing madly at us, his skates grinding against the ground like horrible words against my ears.

"Laugh and grow fat!" Fatman screamed with malovolence.

Scowling at Mary-Hannah and Juanita, I knew we were in a pickle now.

Chapter 15: Doubts of Dedication

Chapter Text

As Fatman began hucking bombs like a madman, I noticed that rising up from the ground were bleachers, all the other members of Dead Cell sitting upon it. Their names were Fortune, Old Boy, and Chinaman; Vamp was not there, but somewhere deeper in the Big Shell.

"Chloe! No!" Snake ran to save me, only to get clocked in the head by Fatman's skates. As he fell to the ground in a daze, his head knocked against the floor. "He's... pretty good..." Snake said as the dizziness started overtaking him.

"Begone!" Simon thrust a cross forward, only for one of Fatman's bombs to explode under his feet. Simon hit the ground, questioning Jesus as to whether he would suffer horrible injury, as he smacked against the floor. Now there was only me, and the village lesbians, Mary-Hannah and Juanita, who always have to bring up their gay status. Preparing crossbows, they grinned to me, though I was weary to provide an optimistic happy expression in response.

"We will help you Chloe; you are stronger with us!" Suddenly, Mary-Hannah fired her crossbow into Fatman's exposed head, causing the crazed bomber to hit the ground, his wine glass with the straw in it hitting the ground, despite him not being Dracula. Gasping, the other members of Dead Cell try to fight back. Chinaman prepared a karate chop, only to get shot down by Juanita; Old Boy prepared to be a solider like us only to get an arrow to the knee; Fortune managed to dodge twenty arrows before I stabbed her in the gut, because God's blessings are better than any luck.

Snake and Simon getting up, embarrassed that they were unable to help me as effectively as the village lesbians who were once my friends, rub the back of their heads and stare at Mary-Hannah and Juanita in response, their crossbows still smoking.

"Wow, that was too close! But I'm glad you're okay, Chloe, even if you don't come to visit us anymore!" Looking over to the passageway to the downstairs of the Big Shell, Mary-Hannah said pointing, "By the way, that girl that you came here to save, who is she?"

"Oh, you mean Mira?" Juanita assumed brashly, "Is that your girlfriend Chloe? She is really close and you should be proud of yourself!"

Frowning as I shook my head, I stepped backwards, throwing one of my arms over both Solid Snake and Simon Belmont. Each not noticing I was holding the other as well, they both began to blush, their faces as red as the blood of the Dead Cell members that was pooling up at my feet. I wonder how they are fairing in hell.

"Thank you Mary-Hannah and Juanita, but I am experiencing a traditional and sexually pure lifestyle." I said to them.

Snake and Simon both swooned, wondering if they would get to be my boyfriend; given that I was most experienced at certain activities, I cannot say I blame them for looking forward to what presents I may be able to give them, so long as they can wait for us to be married by a preacher.

"Oh, okay, Chloe," Mary-Hannah said, disappointed she could not have yet another slab of meat to add to her repetore.

"Also, we were much better at fighting then your "mans" here," Juanita said, evoking the name of a popular meme, "Don't you think things would be better if you went back to the old you, and renounced Christianity in the name of being a non religious and secular conformist instead?"

"Um, not really..." I said, stewing over their words; were things really that great before? Given that I had been a naive girl, one who had a crush on Ozzy Osborne and sinned relentlessly, was I not risking things in a bad way? What if I had gotten in a horrible accident and died living like that? I would be in hell like the Dead Cell guys.

"Check this out." Snake grunting, finding a dumbleator to sneak us downstairs with, has found a stealthy solution. Volunteering to be the first to go, I hopped into the dumbleator, wanting to be away from Mary-Hannah and Juanita. But as I began lowering downstairs, I could not help but wonder, what if they are right? What if atheism is the supreme lifestyle?

"No," I say, "the atheist me was a different person, right?"

But I kept doubting, not realizing the dumbleator screeched to a halt.

Chapter 16: Detestable Descent

Chapter Text

I blinked, only remembering the darkness, and was fairly confident that I was still feeling myself and was ready to go. Eventually, the dumbleator finally started moving to the bottom again. When it arrived, the doors open, revealing that Snake and Simon had made it to the bottom. I stepped out, confused, checking their faces to make sure I recognized them after being in the dark for so long. But these were the ones; I rubbed my head, thinking they were attractive objectively, but I was not feeling really into it.

"Chloe!" Solid Snake screamed at me, "thank God you're safe, because the dumbleator seemed to break halfway through!"

"Let's have a short prayer to thank Jesus for your safety," Simon said, taking one of my warm and soft hands into one of his hands, which were rugged and very uncomfortable for me to hold.

"No thank you," swatting his hand aside, I shook my head, "I honestly think it was just chance that got me out of that pickle, and we should not waste time as we continue through this fortress, you know?"

Snake and Simon stared at me, flabbergasted; Snake, who was beginning to fall into the welcoming embrace of God, found himself doubting the religious ideals again because of my words. Simon, who has attended church with me since we were wee toddlers, was even more aghast, pulling out his pocket Bible for a Word of advice. Suddenly, coming up was Mary-Hannah and Juanita. Knowing these people were old friends, it was needless to say that I was extraordinarily excited. I gave them both hugs as the twin rivals for my love, Snake and Simon, watched in bafflement and puzzlement.

"Chloe!" Mary-Hannah and Juanita shouted, "how great it is to see you!"

"Absolutely." Popping my ear buds into my ear, I opened up my music, seeing a bunch of music by Toby Mac and the Newsboys; scrolling past all of it, I found my old Ozzy Osbourne albums which I have not deleted from my iTunes, and began playing that music instead. The Prince of Darkness's tunes, particularly the one called Crazy Train, began blaring into my ears as I stared farther into the horrible and dank depths of the Big Shell. "Now let's find Mira."

"Using stealth!" Snake exclaimed, only for me to lift up the light staff gifted to me by Pastor John and blasting a pack a cronies in their path, their dead corpses flying everywhere like giblets of meat. I chortled, knowing that it was a good method, and began striding forward, the music in my ears. Huh, I realized it felt good to not be such a goody two shoes and to loosen up for a little. Maybe God was not so important as Pastor John made him seem. I was so occupied with this train of thought I did not even notice the weird technology all over the walls and ceilings of this place. Oh well.

Suddenly, at the end of the hallway, I could see Vamp standing over a girl dressed in a dress, her squeals and pleas for help becoming louder as I approached even closer. It seemed that she was really fond of me, though to be honest, this apparent Mira seemed a bit like a suckup; given trying to help the village church was getting exasperating for me, I wanted to go home and play Minecraft already.

"Are you sssssssssssurprised, Mira?" Vamp cackled, licking his knife in anticipation.

"God, shut up," I sassed slyly.

Simon gasped, holding an axe towards my face, "Chloe, you know better then to blasphem, such a thing would of gotten you stoned to death in the days of the Old Testament!"

"Because the people of Moses were barbarians who worshipped an imaginary man in the sky," I said. Mary-Hannah and Juanita look at me with hope shining in their eyes, nudging each other with their elbows, knowing what they said about being atheist has influenced me to loosen up and give up in my faith in God. Snake and Simon are terrified as Vamp lowered his dagger to Mira's throat.

On the other end of the codec, the Colonel watched my descent into madness, howling in laughter and preparing to win the bet.

Chapter 17: Rejection of Christ

Chapter Text

"Chloe!" Simon dropped to his knees and clasped his hands together, staring me in the eyes, though I found it difficult to look back into those shimmer sapphire orbs of his without rolling my own chocolate orbs in the utmost disgust. "Chloe, this is surely some sort of joke; you would never give up on your faith! I am certain that a few minutes from now, you'll have revealed this is merely some sort of disgusting joke, given that you are such a great Christian friend to me. I would hate to not be your friend any more!"

"Chloe!" Snake, too, stared at me incredulously, knowing that I had surrendered my faith in Jesus Christ. Snake, too, began pondering it all, and was getting closer to the conclusion that God was not real, but in fact, nonexistent. "After all the missions we've done together, you'll end it all by... by betraying us!? Just like f*cking Alucard did back in the good old days?"

I went closer to Vamp, lying a single hand upon his shoulder, a most gentle yet secular touch; given that Vamp was shocked to see my betrayal, he cackled with delight, flinging Mira into my arms. Her body was supple and sleek, her expression soft and yet-to-be-tainted by the mars and scars of adult life. Refusing to surrender her to Simon and Snake, I pulled out the light staff and pointed it upon those ne'er-do-wells. "Snake and Simon, I am sorry, but I have chosen what I want to do. The truth is that there's no life for us after this one, so there's no point in wasting it on trying to be a goody goody."

"Yesssssss, verily!" Vamp cackled, and began running up the wall; looping around, he ran on the ceiling, then down the next wall, and then on the floor again. Only then, did he repeat the cycle again, running around and around, as if spelling the letter O several times with his running patterns that he had assumed when running along the walls, ceiling, and floor. It was as if his run was tracing the letter O, standing for obliged; given that I was much obliged to destroy Simon and Snake now, or at least their faith, it was only an appropriate running pattern. "Now, sssssslay them, and then we can all practice sssssssodomy together!"

Simon howled in tragedy, hucking a holy cross ahead, but I snatched it and tossed it to the ground. Then, following up with my purple handgun, I used a CQC tactic to shoot Simon in the upper pec, his rippling muscles eliminated with pain. Furthermore, Snake came next, unpinning grenades one by one. However, this manuever proved futile, as a simple leg drop on my part ended Snake's career as he passed out on the ground.

"Well done, Chloe! It seems like you realized that life was good before you converted to Christianity." Mary-Hannah and Juanita swirled around me, tracing their fingers up and down my backside, a most peculiar yet not unwelcome touch. Looking at the unconscience boys laying on the ground, I hacked a loogie upon them, splashing upon their backs.

"Yesssssssssss, Chloe! Welcome to the right sssssside of hissssss-tory!" Vamp punned. A guffaw emanated from my gob.

"Of course," I said, shoving my handgun into Mira's head, holding her hostage. "Now, let us go meet with the leader of the Big Shell, so that we may discuss things accordingly."

"Never fear," a strangely familiar voice said, "I am right here."

The footsteps tapping out against the ground, the figure strode in, his age vague for the purposes of readibility. Wearing a pair of glasses, his dark hair hanging from his head, and his arms crossed behind his back. Black mascara was around his eyes like auras of darkness that swirled around his eyes.

"Ozzy Osbourne!" I exclaimed with excitement, "so you are behind this whole operation?"

Ozzy merely winked, and in that moment, I was okay with being in the darkness.

Chapter 18: Prison Break

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The machine still hissing and cooling down from a long session of work, in front of it stood Dracula and Alucard, slapping their knees viciously with the most horrible laughter, clinking a pair of wine glasses together. Downing the pungent beverages simultaneously, once they had finished their refreshments, they hucked their flasks aside one by one. Glass shards burst everywhere, some flying into the nearby prison cell, it's single occupant entirely naked, their possessions and clothing stripped from them.

"Excellent!" Dracula said, holding the empty vial of blood in his fingers, "Had you told me this was Chloe's blood from the Technic Castle, I would of done this a long time ago; I merely thought you had been offering me it as a snack!"

Grumbling, I leaned upwards in my cell. Given that I was completely nude, the stone cold grounds were frigid against my bare and blemish-less skin, though I must say that I looked fairly well without an outfit just as well as I would with one upon my body.

"Of course, Daddy!" Alucard continued laughing, looking at the Les Infants Terribles machine and the nearby panel to the dumbleator chute, "when the dumbleator stopped halfway in the passage, we were able to kidnap Chloe and strip her of her belongings, and then, using the clone we made from the blood she shed at the Technic Castle, we were able to make a most detestable clone, one that we could sway towards the path of atheistic darkness! Now, let's go, and see if this Chlonie was able to convert Snake and Simon to the dark ways, too!"

Cackling and clapping each other's back, Dracula and Alucard tossed their wine flasks down, and pieces of glass slid into my cell. As they left, I began to sob, knowing that I had lost to the vampire family, and that this so-called Chlonie was now manipulating my friends with the ways of atheism. Suddenly, from the corner of the room, a dark figure cleared his throat. (This was the same dark figure from Chapter 6 who watched Vapor Snake's creation.)

"Who are you!?" I screamed, springing up to my feet, before sheepishly covering my bare bosom with a folded arm, and then my kitty with a single hand, fingers splayed. The sillouhete came closer to the bars of my jail cell, whipping out a high frequency blade, and then began slashing left and right and all around.

"Dead on!" With a final slash, the figure Zendatsued the bars away, leaving me in awe as to who my rescuer was. Given that my surprise was so supreme, my limbs dropped to my side, exposing my girly bits of both the upstairs and downstairs variety. With silver hair and mostly cyborg armor, he came closer, holding a AK 47 to me. However, seeing my embarrassed and exposed state caused the cyborg ninja to lower his weapon and maybe even blush a little.

"Who are you!?" I screamed, my nipples enflamed.

"Name's Raiden, I've been watching your faith journey for a while now..." He refused to look me up and down, his cybernetic face blushing heavily and intensely, "It seems that your friends are in trouble, and that their faith is about to be swayed..."

"Your Christian!?" I said hopefully, wondering if I would have to pick between three boys now.

"My faith is on the edge," Raiden said, single tears streaking across his face to counteract the blush of seeing me in clotheslessness, "the truth is that I used to attend church until the Colonel told me I should abandon religion like he did. Right now I am unsure if I can trust in Jesus, but if you are truly Jesus's follower, then perhaps your victory can tell me what path I must take..."

Gasping, I realized not only was my faith on the line due to the heinous Colonel's bet, but now Raiden's was, too.

"Help me!" I ran up to him, hugging him with a tight embrace, my bosom pressed against his metallic chest, causing him to blush profusely, "we have to stop Chlonie and get my friends back!"

Chuckling, Raiden dropped his AK 47, and it began to transmogrify into new metallic shapes. Given that a pair of legs and a long tail was appearing, I began to wonder if this was some sort of robotic beast. Much to my surprise, a mechanical dog appeared, it's neck silver and it's rest of it's body also silver, a friend to Raiden but not a servant.

"Bladewolf at your service," Bladewolf said.

Raiden hopping on and hoisting my naked form upon Bladewolf's back as well, "Now, let's go stop them! Chlonie's schemes... end here!"

Chapter 19: The Prince of Darkness

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Standing over the dazed bodies of Simon and Snake, Chlonie and Vamp cackled with glee, cursing the name of God underneath their breaths. Standing nearby, Ozzy Osbourne watched wistfully, his hand clamped into a holding shape and gripping the underside of his chin. It almost seemed as if he could belt into his dark lyrics at any second now, but before he could, the sounds of metallic pounding came from down the hallway. Given that the real me and Raiden are riding atop the back of his metallic and canine steed, Bladewolf, you can imagine that we are quite pissed and ready to exact revengeance upon these disgusting monsters.

"What the...!?" Interupting all their horrible chuckling was Bladewolf, bucking Raiden off his back as if he were a disgruntled horse; thinking of the disgusting horsekind, I cringed for a moment, though waited to see what would happen next. Instead of falling to the ground and being trampled beyond recognition, Raiden instead used Zendatsu to slash Vamp several times across the face. He flew backwards, his flesh regenerating, as he howled in rage. Damn, seems like he actually was a vampire this whole time.

Simon and Snake gasped, seeing the real me coming up, though they were embarrassed given that I was still nude and not wearing any clothes. Their faces red, they looked up, looking between me and Chlonie, not knowing who was who or what was what any more. Howling in pain, Vamp leaps backwards, dragging Chlonie and Mira back with him. The two villains make horrible laughter out of their mouths as Mira squealed in their arms.

"Help me, Chloe, help me!" Mira squealed while in their arms.

"Enough, cowards!" I wanted to do what I could, but unfortunately, I was still butt naked. "Stop hiding like pansies and come fight me and Simon and Snake and Raiden like actual people, given that you so willingly embrace evil until it's not good for you!"

Suddenly, Ozzy Osbourne marched up, his arms held at his sides, as a twisted black aura started to form around him. Looking down at me with disgusted eyes, he looked at me wildly, a Satanic vibe brimming behind his pupils. Only a brainwashed and corrupt atheist could bring themselves to admire this man, given that his horribleness was that bad. "Actually, you can deal with me, instead!" Ozzy exclaimed using energy repulsors based off his song "Iron Man".

Unfortunately, I was unable to fight, so it was up to the boys to protect me from the apparent leader of Big Shell, Ozzy Osbourne. Snake went first, using a sniper rifle to peg him in the side of the head when he was not anticipating it; Simon went next with a throwing dagger from Rondo of Blood, also inflicting wound damage to the side of Ozzy's skull, a most painful ache indeed; finally, Raiden used a thunder blast from his electrified shoes to send the dark singer to the ground. With a thud, he hit the ground, causing a chorus of boos to come from Vamp and Chlonie. But, unfortunately, he got back up.

"Sorry, Chloe," Ozzy shrieked at me, "but can't you see that I'm a real threat?"

As he got closer, preparing a horrible dark blast from his fingertips, I noticed the way the light shined and scintillated against his skin; given that it was a most unnatural look, I wondered how he could look so vibrant, even if we were in the underside of the Big Shell? Following the rays of light, I noticed they emitted from the walls and ceiling of the downstairs, which were covered with a strange technology. Gasping with epiphanies, though I was still nude, I ran up and snagged my third favorite possession, my purple hanguns, back from Chlonie.

"Hey...!" Chlonie said. "I'm the real Chloe!"

"Put ssssssome clothes on, sssssslu*t!" Vamp screamed, not realizing I was still a virgin.

Ignoring their cries, I pointed my handguns towards the strange technology. Ozzy stopped looking at Snake, Simon, and Raiden, and stared at me instead, his malovolent orbs becoming bloodshot.

"NO!" Ozzy screamed desirously as I began to rain bullets.

Chapter 20: Virtually Nonexistent

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Given that the damage I did to the mysterious technology on the walls and ceiling of Big Shell was so disgustingly high, you can imagine the surprise as everyone started screaming, sparks and electricity flying from it's destroyed circuitry and more. Suddenly, the lights began flickering, and Ozzy Osbourne released a terrible scream.

"Nooooooooo!" Suddnely, his figure began flickering, as if vanishing from sight. Mary-Hannah and Juanita, too, stopped looking like they were real, also just tricks of the light.

"What the...?" Snake said, holding me tight, even though I was still without clothes and my bare midriff was placed against his own as he protected me against any danger. Then, Ozzy Osbourne disappeared from sight completely, a deceptive and traitorous ghost from the past, as more of the Big Shell began to flicker. Mary-Hannah and Juanita disappeared as well. The views around us changed, and Vamp was suddenly in a different position, sitting on the bleachers with the other members of Dead Cell; they all chomped on popcorn like greedy dogs, kernels stuck between their teeth, as they howled and laughed at the performance.

"You died, demons!" Simon howled as if he were singing a rondo of blood.

"You fools, we knew that you would come to the Big Shell, and that you would try to raid it; your entire time here was nothing more than a VR simulation, and what's more, it was planned the entire time! Making Chlonie, we also set things up so that you would be tested with your faith and whatnot... a shame that the plan was foiled near the end like this!"

"What!?" I screamed in horrible agony, not knowing what was real or fake any more, as I shoved a finger towards all the giglling members of Dead Cell with their stupid f*cking popcorn. "So what's real and what's fake?"

"Mary-Hannah and Juanita, the village lesbians, never left Wallakia. Of course, none of us Dead Cell members actually died, as that was also just part of the virtual reality. And Ozzy Osbourne is not our leader, but something we summoned to hope we could sway your ways. Everything else that happened was real!"

"Except for one," a slightly nerdy voice rang out behind us, and tromping down the hall was a familiar shaggy haired nerd we knew and loved, holding a miniature submarine model in his hands, something that had been fashioned into a high tech custom weapon, "Now suffer the wrath of my Sabumarin Bazooka!"

We all cheered for Otacon's safe return, now realizing he had never died and his death was in fact a simulation, as he fired upon the fools of Dead Cell with the Sabumarina Bazooka. Their bleachers exploded and their popcorn dumped all over the place, in a hilariously pathetic manner, as the members fell to our feet again. Snake blasted Old Boy's brains out with a single trigger-pull; Simon burnt Chinaman into General Tso's using Holy Water; Raiden decapitated Fatman with a single slice of Zendatsu. Fortune also got killed a second time, bad luck for her. Finally, walking up to Vamp, I prepared to execute him. Screaming for mercy, he tossed Mira to Chlonie, hissing with displeasure and disgust of the most ruthless variety.

"Help me, Chloe!" Mira cried even more violently then ever before because I mean so much to her. But it was too late, as Chlonie ran out the door to escape the Big Shell, but even though my sleek and supple body was still on full display, I prepared my lavender handguns to execute Vamp. I know he is bisexual, but I do not bother covering my breasts and kitty, knowing he will not remember how they appeared for long.

"Killing me is a sssssssssssssssin!" Vamp hissed for the final time.

"It's okay." I fired twice, sending a stream of gray matter upon the floor, like pathetic trains of quicksilver draining about, the last tinge of second rate garbage that would always be just a step away from gold. "God will forgive me... but not you."

Vamp's dead corpse hitting the ground, it seemed our work at Big Shell had ended with disappointment.

Chapter 21: Forgotten Staff

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Storming to the top deck of the boat known as the Big Shell, we watch in horror as all the troops of athiestic darkness flee in mass after they heard that Dead Cell were slain for real, and not just in the virtual reality. Dracula and Alucard got away in their helicopter, the rope holding the Les Infants Terribles machine under them. Vapor Snake water ski'd across the water with trails of strawberry vapor going behind him, as he is clearly coughing in a violent fit. Other troops are swimming and running away, and it appeared that Chlonie got away with Mira too. At least a couple villains are dead, but rising up his Sabumarin Bazooka, Otacon launched a wondrous projectile that flew it's self towards the vampire duet's horrible helicopter. Damn, a miss, but it exploded against the rope, dropping the Les Infants Terribles machine in the ocean. This means we do not need to worry about more clones.

"Well, that was something, right?" I said, staring up in the air, my arms at my sides. Though, I was wondering, why were Snake, Simon, and Raiden all staring so intently at my taut midriff? Remembering again that I was without clothes, I gasped, and the three naughty boys looked away sheepishly, though to be honest, I am not that upset. I have been without my spy outfit for so long, I have grown a bit more acquainted to it.

"Most interesting, Chloe!" The Colonel parachuted down from the air, a shape like a cross on his parachute, though I can't tell if it is meant to be a holy cross or an upside down Satanic one. Landing in front of us, he hucked a change of spy wear to my feet, also holding the light staff within his hand. "By the way, it also seemed Punished Chloe stole your staff but dropped it, so if you are trying so hard to be Christian at least act like it."

Growling as I tugged the pants over my rotund buttocks and then the rest over the rest of my lithe body, I watched as Raiden approached the Colonel, who was able to tear his eyes away from my dressing routine for but a moment.

"Colonel, you are testing this girl's faith, as well?" Raiden said, his sword at the ready.

The Colonel smiling slyly, "Ah, it has been a while since I have seen you last, Raiden. Or perhaps should I say, Deacon Jack?"

"And maybe I could call you Bishop Roy." Raiden was interrupted by Bladewolf nudging his leg, so he thumped the dog's head, causing it to regress into it's AK 47 form, as he clipped it on the back of his back. "But after you explained to me your doubts in the word of our Lord, you pried us away from the church, leaving only Pastor John for it's leadership..."

"So you two are the bishop and deacon that mysteriously vanished from Pastor John's church?" I said, gasping, understanding now the true importance of showing these two the compassion and grace that comes through the Messiah.

"Yes, but when my wife Rose died, I began to doubt Christ," Raiden's tears beginning to flow across his cyborg face, "And furthermore Bishop Roy Campell has always been an analytical person who began to doubt when reading the expanded works of Charles Darwin."

"No matter that right now, our bet was a bet!" the Colonel snarls, "now listen, if we are not at Dracula's Castle, which is also known as Castlevania, very soon, then we can say goodbye to this mission being a success! And if it fails, Chloe will be forced to be an atheist as per the wager, as I may remind you?"

Nodding my head up and down, I sigh, knowing we have to get going. If we do not win, then I'll lose the wager, and I'll become just as much of a disgusting atheist as they Punished Chloe is.

"Then let's get going," I said. "To the Sabumarin, and Otacon?"

"I will take you to Castlevania?" Otacan gleefully said, producing a pair of shining thumbs up that made me know I could trust Otacon to take me wherever I needed to go and not just where the Colonel needed me to conform to.

"Before we go there, we need to go to the House of God first. To the church of Wallakia."

The Colonel scoffing as I snatched the light staff from him, I do not care if he is turning from God, because without his help and without spending more time in his house then our chances of beating Castlevania are as good as zero.

Chapter 22: Castlevania Courtyard

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Pastor John's office was dark, and sitting within it with folded legs and squatted bottoms were me, Simon, Snake, and Raiden; given that the Colonel was eager to oversee the final mission, he sat in the corner of the room, scoffing, hoping that the confessionals were over soon. The only problem was, nobody could see a thing, as the room was too dark as to allow the human eyes to perceive light and the objects they reflected off each other. Everyone held hands as Pastor John recited the ancient rights.

"Your sins are forgiven through Jesus our Savior, and through him all are redeemed, amen." All the violence we were forced to inflict upon our enemies that burdened our hearts and made us feel bad were washed away, and in that instant, it is like we were new people who no longer had sin but had none instead. Everyone repeated "amen"; funny, it seemed that Snake was growing more convinced of God's presence the more missions we won, as he is practically a Christian now. Simon, of course, always had faith in the Lord, but Raiden needs even more help now. How those boys tickle my heart.

"A confession, Father," I said, addressing both Pastor John and God at the same time, "There is a boy I love very much, but I lack the courage and willpower in my heart to tell him..."

Then while in the pitch blackness, leaning forward I kissed Snake on the lips; then, I kissed Simon on the lips; finally, I also kissed Raiden on the lips, given that he helped so much. Now each of the three boys thinks I am the only one who kissed them. The Colonel smirked, lowering his night vision goggles, and little did I know he had seen the entire thing. Surely the boy who values the kiss the most will try their hardest to impress me and court me in a godly manner.

"Amen you all!" Pastor John exclaimed ubiquitously, "Now may God give you strength as you prevail over Castlevania!"

There's no time to chat, though the boys are all blushing in my presence. Boarding back into the Sabumarina, the iron tanker and it's iron walls quickly jettison it's self across the ocean, emerging ourselves near the coast of Dracula's heinous lair, Dracula's castle, which is also known as Castlevania. Preparing to launch us out of Sabumarin, Otacon prepares a wistful wink, holding a peace sign over in eye as in anime culture.

"Ganbarou!" Otacon said, meaning good luck, and then we were launched. Landing in the front yard of Castlevania, we gasped horrible at all the disgusting things around us. Good Christians who once lived dangled from crosses, blood seeping across it's surfaces and pooling up on the ground. Jesus statues have been blasphemed and graffiti'd to look like goofy clowns of the most disgusting manner. Given that the dark horses from the nearby stable are walking in and out to piss and sh*t on the statues, you can imagine that I am growing to despise the horrid creatures even more.

"I'll go on ahead for reconaissants!" Raiden suddenly blitzed away, giving me a final peck on the cheek, leaving me with the other two suiters. Snake and Simon and me walked forward, suddenly finally finding a horrible statue of the false god Baal standing in the middle of Dracula's courtyard, his genitals exposed and a mighty horrible sword hanging from his fingers.

"An idle idol," Snake punned, earning a quick chuckle from me, despite the gravity of the happenstances.

"But wait! Look!" Simon pointed into the air, a green cloth waving from the air, landing onto the head of the Baal statue. A gross laugh began to exume from the stony maw of the rocky beast, it's rocky surfaces crumbling away and revealing gargoyle skin; given that the cloth had landed on the statue, you might imagine that it has been possessed by a ghost, and you would be right.

"I must redeem myself in Dracula's eyes!" the ghost of Dark Priest Shaft haughtily burst through the statue's gaping abyssmal tooth-hole, sending pebbles flying as they turned to saliva, "now prepare to suffer Chloe and your miserable Christian friends!"

Chapter 23: Creations of the Flame

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Past the rickety stone stairs that crawled past the incinerating rays of the shining full moon, there lied the highest room in all of Castlevania, the throne room from with Dracula's decrees were issued. Standing around the room were Dracula and Alucard, their laughter brought to a sudden halt, and they hucked their wine glasses over the balcony. Crawling back into the room, they could see Vapor Snake, pink drool coming from the sides of his mouth as he continued to slurp upon his strawberry jewel. Given that they were all staring at the center of the room, one could imagine they were watching the other man do his work. Cradling the Angel's Flame in his hands, Senator Armstrong tweaked his glasses, a sparkle coming from their heinous lenses.

"I have a dream... a continent where every man, woman, a child lives for their own existences, without some sort of God presiding over them. A land of the truly free, damn it!" Senator Armstrong unveiled the glass jar, containing the Angel's Flame, given that the villains had given that to him earlier. His malice-filled spheres, flickering towards the pile of nearby Holy Bibles, revealed his intention soon enough; Armstrong hucked the glass jar onto the Bibles, and they exploded with purple flame. Dracula and Alucard's eyes almost withered away, impressed by his glass-container-hucking; Vapor Snake chuckled with glee, delighted with the destruction of the Scripture, like some sort of immature child fantasizing.

"f*ck Christian pride! f*ck the Bible!" Senator Armstrong rubbed his hands over the Angel's Flame, and given that it was a special fire that was hotter from any other fire in existence, it seemed the villains' nefarious goals had finally reached the status of attainibility. As the fires blazed Senator Armstrong peeled metal from the nearby cart of supplies, pounding it into shapes with his hands. Also, he used a microscope, as to make sure his work was precise.

"What's the plan, man?" Vapor Snake swigged his jewel again, release a pungent cloud of the most detestable strawberry vapor.

"Yes, do tell!" Dracula and Alucard shrieked evilly together.

Senator Armstrong turned towards them, his smile as cheesy and awful as always.

"Nanomachines, son!" Suddenly, coming from the Angel's Flame were hideous and nearly microscopic robots, they're antennas twitching about like disgusting appendages, their wings flapping as they tried to take off. "Given that the disease known as Christianity is so widespread, it refuses to die with the people who practice it, passed from generation to generation. Monsoon would of called it a "meme", but I don't f*cking find it funny. So with these nanobots, which I needed the Angel's Flame to forge, they can enter the brains of the faithful and destroy all memories of Christianity for good! Meaning Jesus's rule over this damn contintent is brought to a sudden end!"

Howling with laughter, everyone enjoyed a good bout of raucous cackling, only to hear another explosion coming from the courtyard. Everyone storming to the balcony, they looked and saw that our fight against the Haunted Baal was going quite vigorously. Dracula flinging his cape upwards with an arm fling, "Everyone, spread throughout Castlevania, so that we may stop Chloe and her horrible friends! Use everything we've got!"

Everyone begins to spread out, but suddenly, Punished Chloe marched into the room. Holding a gun in her hand, she held her newfound hostage under her arm, none other than Raiden, who had tried to go ahead for reconoissants but is instead captured like a pitiful prisoner. Punished Chloe smirked, her atheism seemingly as strong as ever.

"Ah, Darchloe!" Dracula pointed with one of his disgustingly long fingernails, given that he needs to learn to trim those f*cking nasty things. "It seems that you've made our job a little easier, yes? Let's all praise God... just kidding!"

Darchloe sneered with an abhorrent sneer across her face.

"Praise God, what a load of sh*t... I'd have to see him with my own eyes to believe in him!"

Everyone knowing that was impossible, they all laughed as another explosion came from the courtyard.

Chapter 24: Stampeding the Statue

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The Haunted Baal started by swinging his massive sword throughout the courtyard, it's blade swinging right over the heads of me, Snake, and Simon alike; given that the weapon was so massive and strong, it busted through entire trees, causing them to crack down onto the floor. A bunch of crows in the way of the sword also exploded into a plumage of inky quills that were also soaked with blood.

"Let's do this thing!" I used a CQC tactic to shoot my handguns at Haunted Baal's face. Unfortunately, the bullets merely pinged off it's rock hard skin, an inpenetratable defense. Snake snarled and tried using a Nikita rocket instead, the explosion shaking a few chunks of rock off. Simon went next with an axe that barely did any damage. Cackling with delight, Haunted Baal's skin was as good as new, as if nothing had ever happened or occurred.

"Look at you struggle!" the voice of Dark Priest Shaft's ghost wailed out from within the Haunted Baal, "Soon enough Lord Dracula will see me as the powerful general I truly am; now suffer at my hands, weaklings!"

Relinquishing the closed state of his maw, Haunted Baal's mouth popped open, and from the despicable depths of the monster's throat and diafram came a horrible ball of hellfire. Launching it's self towards our feet, the ball propelled it's self until it hit the ground, and we barely had any time to leap aside. A great curtain of flame launched up, it's explosive power immense, and I almost felt like I could cry as I flew through the sky. Given that Snake caught me, however, I found myself enchanted by his silver-sky orbs. Simon looked on with jealousness, a fact that did not go unnoted by my eyes.

"There is nothing you can do!" Dark Priest Shaft's ghost cried out as he launched another explosive ball, this one pluming up right beside of us, "Consider this revenge for embarrassing me at the collesium, you putrid know nothings that cling to the idea of a God despite there being no proof of his existence! Rot and suffer in hell, you ninnies!"

My fury growing, turning around, I saw a dark horse exit the stable only to rocket a stream of piss onto the graffiti's Jesus statues, a most intolerable misdeed indeed. Pondering the circ*mstances of this to myself, I wander in front of the stable and make funny lampooning faces at the Haunted Baal, earning Dark Priest Shaft's anger.

"You're a ninny! Nah-nah-nah-nah-boo-boo!" I taunted with gloating glee.

"How dare you say that! Suffer the wrath of my explosive fireball!" Haunted Baal's yap flopped open one more time, expelling it's incinerating ammunition of fire balls out of his gob, only for the flaming comet to fly past me as I strafed out of the way with my perfect dodging skills; given that the trajectory of the firey projectile was not adjusted, you can imagine it was flying right for the horse stable now. And with a sonorous and vociferous burst of sound, the horse stable exploded into hellfire, it's inhabitants all whinnying and braying for mercy as the sh*t-beasts caught flame, an appropriate retribution given that they had been pissing and sh*tting all over the Jesus statues.

"Now! Let's go, team!" Joining my hands with Snake and Simon, we do a Joint Drop Kick on the back of his head, knocking the Haunted Baal to the ground. Meanwhile, flinging themselves from the stables are burning horses, their eyes and mouths spewing flames as they flesh melted into liquid droplets. They came stampeding for Haunted Baal in their panic.

"No...!" But it is too late, as the stampede of horses rushed through, trampling and stomping all over the Haunted Baal as Dark Priest Shaft begged for mercy, the green cloth containing his essence quickly catching fire from the passing horses. I found it hard to look, given that the violence of the horses is so traumatic to see, but at least it happens to someone who deserves it. When the ponies have passed, the statue and Shaft are gone, and the rest of the horses finally burn to death, their charred corpses lining the courtyard.

"Oh my God!" I exlcaimed scarily.

"Chloe, no time to lose," Snake leaning forward to peck me on the cheek said. Is he the one?

"Indeed, we must go to Castlevania!" Simon waved us on, and into the front halls of Dracula's haunted castle we went.

Chapter 25: The Face of Judas

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Wandering further into the grand halls of Dracula's Castle, the great temple to his evil which was also known as Castlevania, we admired all the grotesque and macabre sights. The stained glass windows which depicted the vampire lore's heinous visage instead of that of the Lord; the candlesticks littered about; the great balcony standing above the front doors. A metallic creak sounded out from above there, and our orbs bulging, me, Snake, and Simon all whipped around to investigate. Good thing, too, given that a mechanical automaton of the most astounding size was leaping down, firing it's silver bullets at us at an inexplicable rate. We dodge-rolled aside, our evasive techniques well practiced, as Metal Gear JUDAS crashed into the grounds below.

"Chloe, it's much too large to fight!" Snake advised helpfully, "we need to move it!"

Snake and Simon taking my hands, we began to bolt down the main hall, Metal Gear JUDAS closing in behind us as it continued to fire it's silver bullets at us. The carpet was riddled with holes as if it were a block of swiss cheese being nibbled upon by a rat. The robot tried it's hardest to keep it's self entoe, but the running prowess of me and my fellow lads was too much for that of a hunky nuclear robot. Given that it's intercom was still on, the Metal Gear JUDAS's unseen, mysterious pilot growled at us.

"Then face the wrath of my Religion Buster Missle!" Metal Gear JUDAS's robot face, which looked like that of the fallen prophet Judas himself from the Biblical times spoken of in the New Testament, fired it's Religion Buster Missle, rocketing it's self towards us at the rate of at least two hundred miles per hour; however, given that it was travelling so quickly, we were able to quickly take Snake's hands and dodge the missle by flying upwards on his Cypher. The missle exploded against the great doors leading to the next portion of Dracula's Castle, the doors collapsing and charring, and suddenly, the doors can't be opened any more. Trying to open the doors with Snake and Simon, we try to pop them wide, only for nothing to happen. We are trapped with Metal Gear JUDAS now, it's robotic Judas face staring down at us and laughing. I wondered, who was piloting this thing?

"You're trapped now; enjoy your death, for no afterlife comes after!" Metal Gear JUDAS used a gatling gun blast on the patch of floor we were standing upon, and we rolled out of the way, a gigantic crater appearing where we once stood. Metal Gear JUDAS, growing frustrating, started another heinous volley of silver bullets, but we strafed again. Two holes stood in the ground now.

"How are we going to defeat this Metal Gear!?" Snake lamented solemnly, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Aye, there is no defeat; let us prepare to meet God." Simon said, his hands clasped together.

"Funny, but there's plenty of opportunities to meet God on Earth! Come and fight us like a man, whoever it is piloting that mech!" I taunted, waggling my fingers, as Metal Gear JUDAS's pilot snarled on the intercom, storming forward to end our lives. Pulling Snake and Simon out of the way, the legs of the Metal Gear JUDAS slipped into the holes it it's self had made in the floor, ending it's horrible and tyranical destruction on us Christians. Given that we have won yet another conflict, we prayed to God, thanking him for yet another miracle.

"No! You won't get away with this, Bible-thumpers!" Metal Gear JUDAS shrieked in vehement protest, not realizing the error of it's own words.

"Whatever you say," I said, patting Snake and Simon on the backs, "now, let's see who is piloting this thing!"

Simon lashed forward with Vampire Killer, striking the co*ckpit opening button dead on, a perfect and impeccable strike. And in that single moment, the one behind the wheel of Metal Gear JUDAS was revealed, eliciting a most breathless gasp from me and the others alike. Given that we were face to face with a traitor we once thought trustworthy, we could hardly be blamed as our friend turned enemy by atheism looked upon us, smiling slyly treacherously.

Outside, lightning struck.

Chapter 26: Rocket to the Skies

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"Curses!" The pilot of Metal Gear JUDAS downed his alcoholic wine in one gulp, given that it was his favorite beverage, before hucking the glass against the ground. It shattered into a million pieces, just like we had expected this traitor who used to work alongside us to do every time he completed his intoxicating beverages. He held up Crissaegrim and snarled at us to stay away. "Stay away, heathens, for I am not interested in your preaching!"

"Adrian!" Looking him over, I saw that his hair was white and wispy, and his body was still as sleek and lean as ever, despite him being a traitor to us. Suddenly remembering the good days where we would have dinner dates together, back when he was a practicing servant of the Lord, I felt so sad indeed. But interrupting my introspective on this handsome boy was the applause coming from a nearby balcony, the clapping person's hands as wrinkled as an old man's hands, it's sound course and unwelcoming. Smoke spewing from the remains of Metal Gear JUDAS, I could feel myself growing tired of this arduous journey, one filled with snakes and chains, dark vapor always spewing around us as we fought, though Dracula continued his disgusting applause.

"My son, you have failed me; given that your work was not enough, you know what happens next! Because I always say, death to those who fail to meet my standards!" Dracula prepared a blast of hellfire betwixt his palms, a shimmering and glowing light as powerful as Serious in the night sky, a disgusting sight for our eyes indeed. "Son, you have failed me for the last time; now I must defeat you on my own!"

Alucard, realizing his horrible mistake, looked at me with a pair of whimpering and tear-strained balls, only for me to grab his hands, along with those of Snake and Simon as well. One by one, we bowed our heads, the atheism corrupted but redeemable Alucard realizing what he had to do if he did not want to go to hell after being murdered by his own father, who was unforgiving like Jesus. And so, we prayed, waiting for a miracle to happen.

"I forgive you Alucard," looking him over one last time I noticed how cute he was again, "You will go to heaven with us."

"Prepare to go to hell!" Dracula cackled as his teeth gnashed together, sending tiny flecks of tooth everywhere, given that they were grinding together, as he did not anticipate any miracle to happen. Suddenly, a final mercy appeared; the codec started blaring it's ringtone, and a massive hologram appeared of a detestable monster, screaming "Oooga-booga!" Dracula shrieked, the hell fire and it's smoke coming to a sudden end between his palms, as he landed upon his vampiric bottom with a thud. Removing the scary mask from his face, the Colonel revealed himself, a sly smile on his face.

"Now! Get him!" the Colonel commanded, and hoping to impress him to sway him to the ways of the Lord, I obeyed. I fired the Father's light staff, a beam of light blasting upon the vampire master, a ray of justice from the one issued to deliver it; Simon tied the chain of his Vampire Killer onto Snake's Nikita rocket, and using the rocket, the chain was directed into Dracula's face.

"You can't defeat me!" Dracula wailed, his eyes burning with devilish delight, "Lord Satan is my master!"

"And Jesus Christ is mine!" Alucard pounded a button the control panel of the smoking and defeated Metal Gear JUDAS's banged up control panel, revealing another Religion Buster Missle, but now it was going to be an Atheist Buster Missle; given that it flew forward so quickly, we accidentally latched upon it, flying all towards Dracula himself as the vampire lord snatched on and growled. Exploding through the ceiling, the missle jettisoned it's self through the next floors, one by one like a projectile blasting upon several layers, until we were through the top of the castle it's self. Approaching the moonlit stairs of the toppest room, Dracula snarled, unveiling his magical hands that flickered with Satanic flames.

"Now, everyone!" Alucard pried us from the missle, and we dropped by the force of gravity onto the stares below, the horrible father to Adrian still hanging to the missle in disbelief, too afraid to let go. And so, as the Atheist Buster Missle plumed into the night sky of detestable darkness, hanging over all of Wallakia like an obscuring quilt of blackness, the explosive projectile denotated it's self. Dracula's final wails as he turned into nothing more but quarks, atoms, and particles echoed across the mountain ranges, a noise ricocheting and reverberating like a most permenating death cry, as he was nothing more then the dust he came from.

Now, Dracula gets to burn in hell.

Chapter 27: The Antichrist

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"Now, the project is complete!" Senator Armstrong suddenly blew a shimmering iron whistle, it's sound almost enough to make one's ears erupt in vicious fervor, as he held his hands at his side, releasing his miserable creations to the world. From the Angel's Flame, thousands upon thousands of nanomachines poured into the sky, launching themselves out of the window and towards the unknowing yet not ignorant village of Wallakia, and to the entirety of the contintent that Wallakia was inhabiting as well. Behind him, Vapor Snake and Darchloe watched wistfully, knowing that if the plan succeeds and the nanomachines work as planned, then Christian will be erased from everyone's minds.

One by one, the nanomachines make it to the people in town, and begin infecting their mind in the most invasive and cruel manner, fishing themselves into the brains of the people through their ears. One by one, they chew away, removing the memories of God and Jesus from the minds of the faithful; a woman praying with her son before bedtime suddenly stopped, not realizing what they were doing; Mary-Hannah and Juanita, so close to correcting their sinful lifestyles, lose track of their goal and go sprinting viciously towards the local gay bar; Pastor John scratched his head, wondering what all these Scriptures and whatnot are sitting around his room. All the while, the nanomachines began to consume the churches and the Bibles, making sure no more nonconformist memories of the Savior remain on Earth, and the screams of those realizing they were without purpose in Wallakia increase thirtyfold. Without a moral compass to guide them, Christians begin to pillage and murder in the streets, and in that moment the world was truly lost to the horror of atheism that Senator Armstrong had ushered upon them like a parade of darkness.

"Excellent!" Senator Armstrong guffawed maliciously, turning towards his supply cart and prying more sheets of metal, as he started another disgusting project; given that he pulled out his microscope again, you can imagine that he was making more nanomachines. Vapor Snake gave a confused grunt as he chugged his vape stick, another putrid jewel emerging from his mouth like pink smog. Darchloe marched forward and slammed her powerful fists down, her punches hard and practiced, given she was a clone of me. Snatching Senator Armstrong by his starchiest collar, the politician pivoted towards her like a merry-go-round out of control, cackling with delight.

"What are you f*cking trying to do," Darchloe snarled, her gun still held against Raiden's head, "Given that Christianity is being erased as we speak, that means we need no more nanobots!"

"You fools, do you not understand? Now that Jesus is defeated, the position of the supreme god of this land is vacated and needs a substitute! A suitable place for a man as godly as myself!" Senator Armstrong prepared the nanomachines with his new decree, and they began to glow with an evil and crimson light, one that shined in a manner similar to that of hot coals pried from the depths of Hades themselves; given that Senator Armstrong was wistfully prepared to replace Jesus, he would soon ascend to the position of Antichrist. Stomping his foot with a nanomachine powered blast, Vapor Snake and Darchloe tumbled to the ground like useless sacks of meat, their protests and unexpectancy of Armstrong's betrayal unkempt to them. "With the second wave of nanomachines, I will finally get what I deserve! For I am the new Christ!"

The first wave of nanomachines, given their mechanical mandibles were hungry for more flesh and for the destruction of any memory of Christ, suddenly turn themselves onto the politician who claimed of divine lineage, squealing for a taste of more godlike meat. Given that Senator Armstrong is deluded enough to actually think he was the Messiah, the nanomachines are more than satisfied to turn him into their next form of sustinence; the politician is too busy howling with laughter like a maniacal wolf to even notice the nanomachines swarming him, picking his skeleton clean of any of his succulent meat. His guffaws turning into mortified screams of the utmost terror, it was too late. Given that the nanomachines worked quickly, they whisked themselves away, the skeleton of Armstrong toppling to the ground, it's bones picked clean of it's flesh.

Vapor Snake and Darchloe prying up from the ground, they gazed solemnly at the meatless marrow outline of what was once their nanomachine expert, this time not just Jetstream Sam in a clever costume; they breathed a sigh of relief, knowing they would not have to be in a violent and action packed fight. However, they thought too soon, as me, Snake, Simon, and Alucard entered the room soon enough.

Soon, the final battle would begin to commence.

Chapter 28: Deadly Vapor

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"So, you're here at last, you so-called heros that would rather listen to the teachings of a millennia old book written by trogolodyes who could not even use an abacus rather than the studious efforts of the modern age's scientists and researchers! And you claim to seek the truth, as you face away from it!" Vapor Snake puffed on his glass vial again, releasing another strawberry cloud of vapor, as he hacked violently into his shoulder; given it was so loud, it took Vapor several seconds to recover from it. "No matter. If you wish to blindly cling to your erroneous beliefs, see if I give a damn; it will only make it easier for me to slaughter you while you babble to your make-believe Santa Claus in the clouds!"

"You know, even if God wasn't real, we'd still beat you," I taunted in an intimidating manner, preparing the holy light staff that so rightfully rested in my hands, the ultimate disciple. "Wanna know why?"

"Do tell," Vapor Snake sneered, Darchloe standing towards his side and still holding Raiden hostage, waiting with a nasty sneer.

Joining my hands with Snake, Simon, and Alucard, I returned Vapor Snake's destestable and gloating face, the ones I loved all around me. Knowing I could only be with one boy, despite what others might say, I knew only one of these lads could be my true love. But the others will always be with me, and together, we would always be with God.

"Because I have friends, Vapor... and not even God cares about you at this point." Yanking out my light staff, I aimed directly for Vapor Snake's polo, his ginger ponytail dangling over it's back side. "Goodbye, Vapor!"

"Interesting... let's see you have mercy once I try this technique! Parallel Chloe, come here this instant!" Hoisting both Parallel Chloe and Raiden in front of himself, they formed the most treacherous shield of flesh, given that Vapor Snake was too much of a coward to face me alone. I gasped, holding down my light staff and blasting out the nearby brick wall instead, as Vapor cackled and drank from his jewel again, producing more strawberry clouds; given they were most overpowering, I felt my vision get hazy, unable to comprehend it all.

Suddenly, leaping in front of me one by one was Snake, Simon, and Alucard, all flinging their most powerful weapons in front of themselves as if they were conductors ready to conduct a symphony of the most vigorous attack; Snake went first with his RPG rocket launcher; Simon was next with Great Cross; Alucard was last, utilizing his father's magic to upgrade his excellent sword Crissaegrim to an even more strongworthy sword known as the Valmanway. Five Alucard clones burst out, the first ones shoving Parallel Chloe and Raiden aside, making them safe and cautious from the impending danger. Vapor Snake dropped his jewel in shock, shattering it's self into a million pieces, as we initiated our improvisational and well practiced team attack. The RPG rocket from Snake blasted Vapor into one of the Alucard clones, which kicked Vapor towards me, who utilized a well timed drop kick to send Vapor rolling into another Alucard clone, which then gave Vapor a mighty launch into a hidden C4 from Snake, blasting him into the final Alucard clone and into Simon's casket at once. "Great Cross!" Simon said, releasing the holy energies of God into Vapor, until the deep frying was at long last complete and finished; given that the assault was so brutally offensive, we wondered if we would be better off not opening the coffin box and just burying the surely dead Vapor right then and there.

"You killed him!" Parallel Chloe wailed with crocodile tears in her glassy orbs, "There is no God!"

Everyone watching with anticipation and suspense on their face, it was a most suspenseful silence as I crept closer to the coffin on my tippy toes, telling everyone to stay back as I investigate the coffin box for Vapor's body, which we can not be sure if it is alive or dead. It is like Shrodingers Vapor Snake, given that he could be alive or dead, and the only way to tell is to check cautiously.

Taking a breath, I pop open the coffin box; given that I was not sure if he was alive or dead, I was dutifully unprepared for what happened to occur next.

BANG!

Snake, Simon, Alucard, Raiden, and Parallel Chloe all released a disgusted and horrified gasp as my corpse tumbled to the ground, a smoking and slightly singed hole as thick as a bullet beared through my skull like that of a worm eating through an already rotting apple. Given that he was the one who fired the shot, Vapor Snake belly laughed violently and evilly as he slurped his jewel again, the rotting strawberry flavor corrupting his lungs even more.

"NO!" everyone shouted, except for Vapor, given that he was glad I was dead.

"And so!" Vapor smacked his knees in delightful and evil happiness, "Chloe Flanagan... IS DEAD!"

Chapter 29: Heavenly Awakening

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My eyes fluttering open, given that I distinctly remembered the memory of being shot in the head, my supple hands raised themselves up straight to my head, but no bullet hole was found carved within my flesh. The tears starting to flow, I wondered what had happened, only noticing the fluffy clouds betwixt my feet and the golden rays of the sun hammering down from the sky above; it is like a Paradise, and even though I somehow knew everything would be okay, I still wanted to weep sadly and spew tears.

"Chloe, look to me." A warm hand placing down on my shoulder, I gasped and whirled around like a spinning top of confusion, only to find myself face to face with a pale faced man, beige robes hanging from his skinny yet muscled body affixed to him with a brown rope acting as a belt, and his brown hair was sleek, shiny, and flowed past his shoulders. A wistful and helpful smile upon his face, I knew in an instant who I was seeing, someone I had metaphorically seen so many times before in the past. Given that it was my Savior, I ran into his arms and tightened him the most happy embrace, not caring any more about all the hell going on at Earth if I can be with Jesus at last and know I no longer need to worry about the threats and hellfire of hell.

"I can't believe it, I made it to heaven!" I shouted as I continued to cry and loudly as possible into the white robed shoulder of Jesus Christ the Messiah, his comforting aura making me feel more powerful and stronger then before, even though I was dead. I was reborn through his power and now enjoyed everlasting life.

"Indeed Chloe, given that you were so close to hell before, I am glad you are here with me." Jesus honestly looked sad that he would of had to damn me to hell if I had continued with my sinful nature, but fortunately, I am more Christlike then ever before with my new lifestyle in mind. "It is a good thing you went to church camp a few months ago or you may have been atheist for the rest of time, blazing in hell."

My crying continued as I remembered what happened even more when I went to church camp, the chapel sermons could not change me, the prayer and discussions could not change me, not even the bible story sing alongs were able to change me. But when we went out to see the petting zoo, those memories were burned into my mind, how my sister wanted to pet the geese and the sheep and the cows, but most of all she wanted to pet the horses, no matter how many times the petting zoo guy said no, given that the horses were so skiddish. And then someone opened the horse pen while nobody was looking and the horses trampled Clarissa and crunched her bones in more then twenty places.

I remembered how the doctors said she was going to die from those disgusting sh*t-beasts, how I sat in the hospital bawling my eyes out with nothing to keep me company but my dying sister and Ernest's thesauruses that I read over and over again, until Pastor John came to me and said I had to pray to God if I wanted to save her, and what do you know. It turned out God was waiting for me all along, given that Clarissa is actually recovering now.

"Chloe, people will try to say you are not faithful, that you are a liar, but I know you are my servant." Jesus glanced down from the clouds and towards the utter peak of Castlevania, where my beloved friends clasped my dead corpse, investigating the bullet wound and crying with the most horrible details. "But as much as you are excited to be in heaven, there is business to attend to on Earth; now, Chloe, let my power be yours, as we save your friends and Wallakia."

Suddenly, Jesus phased into my body, like a Holy Ghost that was not bound by the laws of matter and energy, and I could feel all his godly power combining with mine. Given that it was a divine power, I felt like God himself; no, I was with Jesus, and Jesus was with me, and with him inside of me we would condemn the ne'er-do-wells on the mortal plane below with the punishments that rightfully deserved. Nodding with happiness, Jesus and I understood, knowing if we let Vapor Snake win this battle then a thousand people like Clarissa would wind up even more hurt.

"Then let's go back!" I shouted excitedly as the warping energies began to surround me.

Crucified and thought to be dead, it was time for me to return, a savior to rescue everyone.

Chapter 30: The Second Coming

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Vapor Snake chortled and guffawed violently, hacking up plumes of strawberry sludge from his most polluted lungs, as all the other boys encircled me and wept gigantic tears from their eyes; Snake, Simon, Alucard, and Raiden were all among them crying; also, Parallel Chloe also wept, knowing that through my "death", she has also lost her possession of a part of herself, despite not being a boy but also being a girl.

"And now!" Vapor Snake coughed with the utmost chaos again, staining the bright green sleeve of his polo shirt a heinous shade of saliva filled pink, given that it was fueled by the carcinogenic strawberry vape he insisted on puffing upon, "Now that Chloe is dead, the rest of you are sure to fall to my gaseous wrath! For I am Vapor Snake, the strongest of Les Infants Terribles, and..."

Given that Vapor Snake turned his back upon my dead corpse during his villain and cringeworthy monologue, you can imagine that to assume I was going to stay dead after being shot through the boney skull was a most questionable decision indeed, and to imagine that you would be right. Suddenly, snatching Vapor Snake by the canvas belt wrapped around his light tan khakis were the living and not dead fingers of me, embued with the power of Christ, resurrected after my followers thought I was dead. The groin area betwixt the pants legs of Vapor Snake suddenly began to dampen and darken in color; given that Vapor Snake is f*cking terrified that the one he thought dead is actually not dead, but actually alive, it would appear that he has urinated within his underpants and pants alike, because he is so terrified.

"Nice try, Vapor," I said with the power of Jesus glowing around me like holy light, the light staff in my hand was pointed directly at Vapor's Snake, it was like when God ushered in the flood to destroy all the humans that failed to meet his expectations. All my friends began to hoot and holler and cheer, glad to see that I was in fact not dead, but alive. "But it would seem that as long as Jesus and I are together, your plans will never come to fruition."

"Whaaaattt...!?" Snarling with his teeth sticking out from his lips like a pair of horrible nails protruding from a board of darkness, Vapor Snake whisked his arms out, holding them out in a vaguely antagonistic posture, "Then if you are one with Christ, let us see what my nanomachines think of that! Gwahahahahahahaha!"

Buzzing through past his horrible stream of giggling and laughter were the nanomachines, suddenly abandoning their siegeful warfare against the quaint and humble village town of Wallakia, their mandibles screeching as they flew in on robotic wings. It was like the plague of locusts that killed so much in the book of Exodus, but God does not approve of this, so this destruction is wrong. And given that the power of Jesus was inside of me, it seemed the nanomachines wanted nothing more then to take a bite.

"Interesting," I taunted boastfully, waggling my fingers, "let's bring it!"

The nanomachines snarled as well as they came forward, but flashing behind me like a holy divine light was the glowing form of Jesus, hovering above me as if lending him all his power. The golden miasmas rolling around me like a paradisal sea, the miasmas suddenly reached out and expanded it's powers as the nanobots grinding teeth prepare to take a bite out of me, for the miasmas indicate around me that I am channeling Christ, in a way I AM. As they zipped towards to sink the teeth inside my flesh, the yellow and golden miasmas reacted violently, and the nanomachines began exploding as my friends used the power of prayer to power up the divine onslaught. A matter of seconds later, all the nanomachines are trounced entirely, and Wallaki and all the world are spared wholly.

It's at this moment that Snake runs to my side, cusps me in his grip, and dips me down into a passionate kiss; I can't help but blush, and even Simon, Alucard, and Raiden are applauding, knowing I had to make up my mind eventually. Jesus holds up a finger, pointing at me, as he winks. Don't worry, Savior, I will wait for marriage.

"No..." Vapor Snake pulled out his high frequency cutter boomerangs, aiming them directly at my neck, "Let's see you have a loving relationship with someone else through Christ... when Christ winds up DEAD!"

Chapter 31: The Judgement of Vapor

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Vapor Snake prepared a prostrated huck of his high frequency cutter boomerangs, angling the unspeakable and razor sharp projectiles directly for my supple midriff, which was clothed by the lavender fabric and rubber combination of my sneaking suit. However, given that I was empowered through the holy power of Jesus Christ, I stretched out my fingers and concentrated on his shoelaces, yanking the laces out and crunching his feet within the shoes. Howling in temporary and momentary painful aches, Vapor Snake leaned forward in a mere and foolish attempt to try to correct the laces of his footwear.

"Now, Chloe!" Jesus urged me from inside of me, and knowing what God's path was for me, I found myself rocketing forward and shoving my bone hardened knee cap into his face, causing a nefariously audible crunching sound like a corn chip being sat upon ringing out from his skull, Vapor Snake's howls of anguish beginning to grow. Lifting his head up, I saw his nose bleeding with fervorous intensity, the red liquids flooding like pungent liquid. I wondered if it was strawberry flavored as he reached for his high frequency cutter boomerangs, I whisked up the crucifix hanging from my neck, one of my two favorite items, and plunged the symbol of Christianity deep into his back. His howling intensifying even more, he buckled down to his knees, his head slamming against the leg of Dracula's detestable golden throne, which was ornate, given that it was covered with so many jewels. Snake, Simon, Raiden, and Alucard all cheered me on, given that my methods were so effective. Parallel Chloe only watched in shock, having seen the apparition of Jesus Christ the Messiah, having irrefutable proof of his existence at last. Cupping her hands together, she begins to pray for forgiveness.

"Curb stomp him! Curb stomp him!" They cheer out, as Vapor Snake knew he had to retrieve himself to his feet, otherwise he would be targeted with even more of my vicious and aggressive attacks. However, because I knew Vapor Snake was unforgivably evil, and I knew he would try to slaughter us if I did not do this until we were dead, that means all the offensive methods we're using against are one hundred percent justified. Bringing my leg up, I used a CQC tactic to drop my leg into his head, causing him to be curb stomped against the edge of Dracula's throne. Nice, some of his teeth tumbled to the floor, and some more of that blood too. Now he is coughing even more, and it's in this moment that I realize that Vapor Snake has contracted popcorn lung from constantly trying to suck off that jewel of his, meaning that Vapor Snake is as good as dead now.

Clambering up to his feet in a moment of mercy, he found himself looking at my visage, which is like my face and the face of Jesus overlapping with each other and not ever showing just one; given they are mixing, it's like we are one.

"Do you weawwy sink you can stop me, Chwooo-ee?" Vapor Snake blabbered, struggling to speak out of his heavily deformed mouth, given that I curb stomped him, meaning that he now has speed empeddiments of the highest order. Laughing at him righteously, We prepared the light staff and pointed it right at his chest, meaning it is almost time to face Satan for him.

"The truth is," We spoke as once, "We could of ended your life a long time ago."

And then just like the holy ray of light pierced from the pointy tip of the divine and angelic light staff, a projectile made of pure light that could destroy any horrible evil that dared wander in it's path, and from it's edge the holy aura grew. Vapor Snake shrieked as his lungs began poking out of his throat from more of his uncontrollable coughing, and then in a matter of seconds his cloned flesh is nothing more then holy ash, a Vapor Snake turned to nothing more then vapor, a dark vapor that was washed away on the winds of Wallakia. The silence surrounding us as the ultimate evils are now nothing more.

Everyone bowed down in front of Us and began to pray.

Wallakia is saved.

Chapter 32: The Last Supper

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"And blessed be God, the one who redeems the souls of all humanity, for everyone is deserving of second chance. Let us all rejoice together, for Wallakia has also been given a chance at redemption. Amen!" Pastor John laughed giddily, his expressive joy almost overtaking all of his somewhat older body, as the people of the church whooped and celebrated the fact that Wallakia was saved. "I am not sure how our church got rebuilt, or how our memories came back, after the nanomachines destroyed so much, but there is no reason to fret. Open your hymnals to Page 195 so we can sing Holy, Holy Art Thou, and stand as you are able."

As I am rising to my feet, I noticed that Pastor John has shot in my direction a hidden wink, one that I am soon to reciprocate upon. Given that I was the one who undid all the damage before Jesus left my body to go back to heaven, he is indefinitely grateful to me. And so, rising to my feet, everyone else also got up alongside me. The whole roster of my friends is the following: there is me, Chloe Flanagan, holding hands with Solid Snake; Simon Belmont, who is holding hands with Mira, who we later found in Castlevania's attic; Parallel Chloe, now turned to the word of the Lord, holding hands with the reinstated Bishop "Raiden" Jack; Mary-Hannah, free from her sins of hom*osexuality, holding hands with Alucard; finally, there is Juanita, also cured of her ailment, holding hands with Hal "Otacon" Emmerich. We were a jolly and chipper quintent of boyfriends and girlfriends, our relationships all going fruitfully and gracefully through the compassion lent to us by God, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We all sang the beautiful hymn, with no intent of trying to outperform the others, given there was no reason to compete. But, all things considered, everyone seemed to think I had the best singing voice after all.

It was a wonderful time, Snake rubbing my back with his hand during the entire church service, when suddenly, the doors slammed open violently another time. Everyone gasped, and I whipped out the light staff that was still within my rightful jurisdiction, as Pastor John stretched his body out to block the Angel's Flame, which we also returned to the church. Suddenly, striding through the door with happy tears in his eyes is the Colonel, wandering up to the alter with a glistening of moisture in his irises. It seemed the prodigal son had returned at last.

Walking past me, I say, "So, Colonel, lost the bet?"

Smiling slyly at me, the Colonel replied, "You know, Chloe, I guess part of me realized God was real the whole time."

"Heavens! Has the Deacon Roy returned to our fine establishment at this very hour! Come forth, my old friend, and we will see what we can do to save you from the fires of hell." Pastor John embraced the Colonel, and then a wholesome and a baptism occured, causing a chorus of "awwwwwwww"-s to come from the audience of the worshipers.

"I believe in God almighty, the redeemer of men, Amen!" The Colonel chuckled, and for the first time in his life, I saw a real smile emerged onto his wrinkled and marred face, and not just a false sly smile either. Everyone in the church applauded, and I was especially satisfied, given that my employer is now a fellow Christian like myself. "Now," the Colonel continued, "let us go celebrate with a rousing meal at the Slab of Chicken!"

We all cheered as we stormed out of the church building, chicken on most people's minds, but for me, only Solid Snake was on my mind, the right man for me who I have turned from a nonbeliever to a true follower of Chirst. And so, our kiss is passionate, and I know that some day in the future I will have him all for myself, through the covenant of marriage, and all will blossom from there.

But for now, eating Slab of Chicken with my beloved sounds good, too.

From above, Jesus smiled.